My FIL is fairly impatient and has quite a temper.  Often, when we’re alone together like last week when I gave him a lift home, he’ll share his heroic stories about how he stood up against unreasonable customers or bullies.  While listening to him, I often wonder if my husband would turn up to be like his dad when he’s older.  Like father, like son?

In fact, I’ve already noticed similiar traits and have voiced my concerns.  The man of course assured me he’s unlike his dad but who is to say what can happen 10 or 20 years down the road.  Like I told my son, a volcano may be inactive now, but it doesn’t mean it won’t erupt later!  Moreoever,  I’ve had a taste of his explosive outburst before and least to say, it’s frightening.

Like I wrote in this entry what happens when love grows old, I don’t want to end up like my MIL, who is always complaining about their relationship.  Neither do I want to take the extreme approach of someone I knew who divorced the husband because she saw the mirror image emerging.   I want to have a decent marital relationship into old age!

So I’m secretly hoping that the man’s affectionate side would prevail.

And while I’m writing this, I’m also reminding myself.  Beware of my own mirror image too!

A few days ago, my husband had the password of his SingPass account resetted.  As soon as he saw me, he asked me if I wanted to take down the new password.  Nothing unusual since we share our passwords all the time.  And I believe this is quite common with couples, married or not, who have been together for a period of time.  Proof of intimacy and trust in a relationship if you like it.

As he was giving me his new password, I had this strange thought.  Well, sharing is all good and all but, what happens if the couple splits up?  Heaven forbids!  Because that means both parties would have to reset all their passwords!  And can you imagine the number of passwords one would have to reset?  Plus the new passwords would have to be something the ex-partner can never figure out.  Gosh…it’s blardy troublesome even just the thought of it.  Maybe that’s why some prefer to stay together rather than go through such troubles.

Anyway, my husband rolled his eyes when I asked him this.  He said I’m crazy to even be thinking about this.  And oh, he had to reset his password only because he forgot the old one!

I was momentarily stunned to see the familiar face at the wet market yesterday. The face was older but I was sure it was her. She didn’t see me even though she stood beside me. After telling the butcher what I wanted, I turned around and looked at her again. Then I stepped forward to acknowledge her. She couldn’t utter my name immediately but she remembered me, I think. I mean, how could she not? We were the “best of pals” in our secondary school.

Maybe she didn’t know it but she had made a significant impact during my puberty. She was the one who paved the way for my first date, the one who taught me more about boy-girl relationships and the one who gave me my first taste of betrayal. We went to school together. We went home together. We were almost inseparable. But behind that closeness lied a silent rivalry. She didn’t like the comments her boyfriends passed about me and I didn’t like the praises the art teacher heaped on her.

Anyway, we drifted apart after leaving our secondary school. I went to college while she pursued a private education. Subsequently, she left for States and I thought she would have settled there for good. Apparently not. I caught that slight flinch when I mentioned that yesterday and I didn’t ask further.

The only thing we learnt from each other was the number of children we have. Maybe the sight of those raw meat wasn’t the best way to invoke any further decent conversation and so we stood quietly and eventually parted ways without even saying goodbye.

I felt a tinge of sadness at the end of it all. I thought quite a bit about her over the years. She was afterall, an important part of my past. But I know she doesn’t want to keep up the friendship anymore. Neither do I. I guess some things are better left behind.

We might meet again, who knows. But I did wonder. If she was better dressed yesterday, would I have gone up to acknowledge her in my shabby attire?

I must have been deluding myself thinking that because blood is thicker than water, I may be able to gain some amount of understanding from her. 

Or perhaps I was carried away thinking that she will be as supportive as those parents in the local sitcoms I’ve been watching with my son of late.

The teeny-weeny sarcasms.  The on and off coldness.  I knew it for a long time but I kept defending her in my heart.  But today, I told my husband that in the event if anything happens, I will never be able to return to that family again because of how she regards me now.  AN OUTSIDER. 

I’ve finally come to terms that our relationship is like these watches she gave me.  Physically, they still look quite nice but in reality, they’ve stopped working and are probably already beyond repair.  And even if I try, they’re likely not going to be in workable condition for very long.

So, why bother?

The car battery has gone flat and I am so glad I wasn’t driving it when it happened.  Because I wouldn’t know what to do!  I guess my brain is just not wired for car maintenance and even a simple task like filling it with petrol can make me all uncomfortable.  In fact, whenever I have cold wars with my husband, the first thing that comes to my mind is, WHO’S GOING TO HELP ME FILL THE CAR WITH PETROL?

It’s ridiculous I know.  I have come to rely on him when it comes to matters concerning the car that I feel helpless on my own.  There’s an emotional barrier between me and the car.  And that emotional barrier is my husband!  I NEED him to maintain the car.  In fact, I’ve grown comfortable RELYING on him and when I know I can’t do it, it gets me all upset. 

I remember someone once compared her need for her husband to a glass of plain water.  She doesn’t feel excited about him like she used to, but like water, she needs him to be around.  It sounds a little sad, but at the same time, it strucked me that relationships thrive on NEEDS when the passion is gone.  And this is likely one of the reasons why some people hang on to their partners even when love is gone as well.

So if you’re in a relationship, you better darn well make sure you’re NEEDED in some ways, no matter how small.  But hopefully, the reason you’re needed or what you need is based mostly on the intangibles because we know how easily tangibles can be replaced.  And if you say you rather be independent, I say good for you.  Because you most probably don’t need a relationship then!

For me, I’m thankful we both still need each other, intangibles and tangibles!