So they say. And I agree. Because the more I read, the heavier my heart gets.
In a book that the psychologist lent me, there was a story about Roger, a sophomore at a top university who was diagnosed with Asperger’s when he was younger. Because he was intelligent enough, he learnt to behave normally very quickly. In fact, it was hard to tell that he has a condition at all. Which was good. But the sadness of it all was that he had become an expert at faking normalcy and the effort to blend in had taken an enormous toll on him.
He had mastered the formula for social encounters by constantly analyzing what he believed were others’ expectations and then deliver as close an approximation as he could. He had succeeded in “fitting in”; no one thought he was weird…But despite his success at confirming to social norms, Roger was aware that something was missing…not in his methods, but in his reasons for relating to others.
Roger felt empty and became “an anthropologist living within an alien culture” in his desperate effort to blend in.
And this is what hit me badly. That my boy could potentially become a Roger because he is at the other end, where he will gain sufficient understanding to figure out what’s going on. I wonder now if getting him diagnosed is really helping because now that we know, we may feel compelled to teach him “normal” behavior so that he can “fit in”. If this is going to be at the expense of his happiness, I’m not sure I want him to fit in that much.
Because for me, all that matters is that he should grow up to be happy.
SS,I agreed with you most. All we want are our children to grow up happily & healthy.
I can understand how u feel as the more u read the more u see the difficulties and challenges ahead, for you and Gavin.
The A syndrome is a new words to me, I may sound ignorance…
But I think is gd to know the truth. At least know what to expect and learn to be more tolerance and acceptance. If not it will be like keep wondering why the child misbehave and keep reprimanding which may cause the child further behaviour complication.
In fact I also think that A syndrome is just another attitute problem. Just that lazy, unreasonable, selfish, stubborn, anti-social, quick-temper… are more layman terms and people dont make a big hooha.
So just use a normal heart to see this
Comment by wtpg — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 @ 3:13 pm
that they grow up happy
Comment by carrie — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 @ 10:28 pm
That’s a really depressing story. The last thing you want to do is to make him feel even more like an outsider looking in at us “normal” folks. Ultimately, it is still good that you had him diagnosed, but perhaps it’s a journey for your husband and you and him. Take it one step at a time and your instincts will probably help you best, even if you feel lost.
Comment by Hsin — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 @ 10:27 pm
I sincerely hope Gavin will be able to find a friend when he enters primary school and future places. That is what I’m hoping for Eu everyday. A friend that will smile and laugh with him, not laugh at, even when he or she does not understand.
I think it is important to learn what is normal acceptable behaviour. Not many people are tolerable about funny or weird behaviour, even when they know the child is special. Therefore teaching him in order not to get oneself into trouble is necessary.
There’s too many to worry and think, but always remember, you are not alone. Think positive.
Comment by kwai yoke — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 @ 2:47 pm
Thanks everyone for your kind words!
KY: I agree about the friend. He has a good friend in class now and that’s why he’s still going to school.
Comment by sesame — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 @ 7:37 am