It was impossible to hide my emotions and amidst my despair and confusion, I saw his tears and fears and yet, he tried his best to comfort me by passing me a tissue paper and hugging me tight.  His little hands patting my back seemingly telling me it’s all fine.

I never knew my 5-year-old has so much empathy but it was unfortunate that this realisation was made only because he was subjected to witnessing an act of insanity. 

I don’t know what I’ll do without my little guy.

I always end up buying fragrance for her on Mother’s Day because I know it’s something she’ll like and she’ll use.   Otherwise, I may run the risk of having her reject the gift and then having to bring it back home.

My mum can be a bit hard to please and I realized that I didn’t accurately reflect my thoughts the last time I wrote this.  Blood is thicker than water but precisely because of that, I get disappointed whenever she doesn’t show her support for me.  In fact, I always feel terribly dejected and I know I’m not alone feeling such.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard two of my teens complaining loudly about how their mothers have been scolding them real hard and even after they have apologised, the scolding continued.  I really hope that I won’t become like that when my son grows up.

Why is it people whom we love or whom we are close to don’t seem to realize that they have the power by their words and their actions to cause us pain where it hurts most?  Or maybe they know it and they’re using it to show us their power?  And even more unfortunately, the state of our relationships always define the level of our happiness. 

I know it’s Mother’s Day and I should be singing praises.  But I’m griefing inside and I just don’t feel like saying anything nice today.

I noticed that my in-laws have a very peculiar relationship.  They can’t seem to stand the sight of the other and are always cursing at each other openly.  In fact, their curses can get pretty vicious too.  They’re never cordial at the least, but yet, I also see them sharing food and going on trips together.

When I look at them, I always wonder how it would be like when my husband and I grow old together.  Given that interests, mentality and temperaments do change with age, how are we able to maintain a relationship for another ten, twenty or thirty more years?

Will we continue to laugh at one another and still have some semblance of a decent relationship?  Or will we become cranky and be at each other’s throat every other day? 

And can we grow old and still love the other?

The first thing I ask the maid on a daily basis when I get back from work is, ”is he okay today?”  One cough and we’re all edgy, wondering what that would lead to.  And I’m not joking that we have disputes when he falls ill because his dad is always telling me not to send him to school while I’ve been totally against that idea.

But now, I seriously don’t know how this early childhood education is going to benefit him if he’s falling ill every other week.  And it’s even more worrying when we read about these outbreaks and how quickly these virulent strains are spreading. 

Are we pushing our kids too hard?  Sure this is the age where their brains are developing and we should be giving them ample learning opportunities.  But, at what costs?   As it is, the entire kiasu-ness about this preschool education is getting ridiculous and to top it off, we have to put our kids in learning environments that constantly challenge their immune systems.  Falling ill frequently is certainly not a feature of quality life!

In fact, this is one of the reasons I’m even more determined to delay his P1 enrollment.  While he can afford to skip classes on a regular basis now, it is not so easy come primary school.  And really, he should be going to school only when he’s 7, not when he’s only 6!

Yes, I’m peeved.  Peeved that my son is sick again.  Peeved that they’re forcing me to send my son to school even before he’s physically and emotionally ready for it.  And peeved because we’re caught in a system that is so blardy wrong.

Will someone please tell the newspaper that there’s a proper name to this virulent strain?  And the name is early childhood education strain!

The boy had told me last Wednesday that he need not go to school on Friday.  I didn’t remember receiving any notice from the school and thought he was just lying so that he can skip classes.

Come Friday, I brought him to school, only to be told that there were indeed no classes because the K1s were going for a school excursion.

As we were heading back to the car, the boy said this:

“SEE I TOLD YOU.  NO SCHOOL!  I TOLD YOU NO SCHOOL RIGHT?  I’M CORRECT!” 

Something about his tone and gestures made me realised at that point that my boy has grown up and despite being five, he now has a mind of his own.

Great.  He’s gonna be doing more telling me next time!