I can’t get much done at home these days. I used to be able to have some time to myself early in the morning or late in the night when he’s asleep. But not anymore. He’ll wake up if I’m not by his side, and come looking for me, demanding that I go back to the room and sleep with him.
Even when we’re out, I have to be with him 100% of the time. Otherwise, he’ll whine and sometimes kick up a mini fuss.
Like yesterday, I walked into two nail palours trying to get a 20 minute quick pedicure whilst out with them but in the end changed my mind both times because of guilt. And good thing I did change my mind because he was frantically looking for me both instances. The second of which, he was bawling after he fell and hurt his already bruised knee.
While it’s nice to know that I’m very much wanted and in this thoughts, it can also get exasperating at some points when I’m fighting to find more time to do my own stuff. Sometimes I wish his meal times and nap time will drag longer because those are the only hours I can get my tasks done. Otherwise, he’ll be upset that I’m sitting in front of my PC and will always drag me off to his playroom.
Perhaps this is the reason why my brother has been telling me to cultivate more independence in the boy such as letting him sleep in his own room. On one hand, I can appreciate such a suggestion but on the other hand, I’m not willing to let go. Because I know this is about the only window in his life I get to keep him close by my side. Add a few more years and it’ll be a different story altogether.
So it’ll always be a struggle I suppose. And I’m sure I’m not alone facing this dilemma. To want to spend time with our young children and yet, to make some time for ourselves. But since there are only 24 hours a day, surely something’s got to give.
Should it be my guilt or should it be my sanity?
Hey..SS,
so she ain’t as clingy to me.. as she was . .when she was younger… 
I know it is hard to let go.. but when chloe turned 3 yrs old.. i decided.. to teach her to look for her Papa more..
Sometimes.. it is a good thing. .till Papa gets all pissed off.. and needs time off. .hahhahaha!!!
MB: I try to but he’s always looking for me and the papa also ask him to look for me!!!
Comment by Mama Bok — Mon, 7 May 2007 @ 12:21 am
i think ‘ME time’ is very very important. must take a day out for yourself, or take 2 hours out for yourself. if you’re frazzled, you won’t be in a great mood to deal with child or adult.
imp: Now that I’m working more hours, I feel guilty going out. But I do take some time off like to cut my hair or to buy some stuff…
Comment by imp — Mon, 7 May 2007 @ 12:45 am
I also remember the times when my small kids would be clingy to me. It also took a long time before my oldest one slept in his own bed. I understand how you want to be with him all the time while he’s still young, because when they grow older, they won’t even want to be hugged anymore, I guess especially the boys.
Actually, until now, I would stay beside my youngest one in bed until he falls asleep. I’ve seen how his older brothers have pulled away from me when they got older, and I just want to cherish every moment that he would still let me be close to him.
Now, I don’t think I’m helping you here. But I think it’s best that you wean him at least a little bit away from you. Teach him to become a little more independent, slowly.
nicheart: Boys do pull away after a certain age don’t they. That’s why I’m trying to cherish this time more and taking a long time to get him being more independent. But your younger boy is still quite attached to you right? From what I remember reading…
Comment by niceheart — Mon, 7 May 2007 @ 3:39 am
I remember those times when the kids were clingy to me (of how those thoughts scare me)….
ya, it’s nice to feel wanted but we are selfish in the sense that we still want our free time but we still want to feel wanted.
Perhaps the ratio should be a little different. rather that having them stick to you like 80% and your free time 20%, it really does drive anyone up the wall. It would be nice if it could be 50% 50% ah?!?! too greedy??? I am dreaming……
Jan: I’ll be happy with 70-30. Now it’s 90-10 for me.
Comment by Jan — Mon, 7 May 2007 @ 9:53 am
“He’ll wake up if I’m not by his side, and come looking for me, demanding that I go back to the room and sleep with him.”
This happens to me with both of the kids. Really makes me siao liao!
mumsgather: I can sense your frustration. I mean two clingy kids is not a joke.
Comment by mumsgather — Mon, 7 May 2007 @ 1:19 pm
After reading your post, I realised my sis and I are hardly anywhere near the type of affectionate kids any mother would want. As far as I remember, we hardly ever cling to mom or dad and that kind of independency sort of stays with us through to adulthood.
DR: Hmm…interesting. Usually children are quite clingy to their parents. I’m also curious if you want your daughter to be affectionate with you or independent like you…
Comment by domestic rat — Mon, 7 May 2007 @ 6:58 pm
Wee-wee! Cio bu!
Hm… I cherish alot the bonding at this stage as I know the very next moment, they may be just pull away. However sometime it can be quite vex when I am trying to get the necessity done yet their clingy are hindering… worst is the daddy, instead of give me helping hand and split the chores, mocked at me… “so this is the kind of bonding u are asking…”
;(
wtpg: Hiak…you might add a “lao” in front lah…Ah, quite shiong leh…if you have two who want to cling to you at the same time especially when you’re busy.
Comment by wtpg — Mon, 7 May 2007 @ 8:22 pm
I’m with you on this..
But lately, I’d tried to let go a bit. Like having hubby bring Zara out alone occasionally; or have my maid tuck her to sleep. This is also because I’m working more in the night, so they have to help out.
She seems to be taking it ok. But if she knew I wasn’t working, she would be looking for me.
When my maid was able to get her to sleep without any crying from her the first round, I was a bit upset. Am I loosing her? Does she still need me any more? These are the thoughts that came to my mind.
On one hand, I want to have some of my own time, on the other, I myself can’t let go too (the feeling of being loved and needed so much is just overwhelming).. *sigh.
ZM: I know what you mean about being upset when she let your maid make her sleep without crying. Sometimes when Gavin prefers the maid to play with him, I feel unhappy as well. But like what you say, sometime we’ve to let go out of no choice. Sure we like to be with them 100% but we got work and we want some time to ourselves too…
Comment by zara's mama — Tue, 8 May 2007 @ 7:45 pm
hey chic mama you are indeed! I love those shades!
i was also very dependent on my parents when i was very young but slowly grew out of it after i started those pre-school etc so do give him time and give yourself some private moments too.
msff: Thanks for your compliments.
And amazing you can remember how you were when you were young.
Comment by msfairface — Tue, 8 May 2007 @ 9:47 pm
such is the dilemma of parents hor. i get time to surf the net only for a while at night when my girl’s watching Barney’s or Hi-5.
Jes: Mine wants me to watch with him sometimes…
Comment by Jes — Tue, 8 May 2007 @ 10:43 pm
Great look!
For me - sanity first. Or else, I become very very very mean! And then nobody is happy.
But who doesn’t love being loved by our loved ones. Dang… that’s a lot of loving there. =)
Irene: Thanks. Yeah, I know what you mean about becoming mean. That’s me too!
Comment by Irene — Wed, 9 May 2007 @ 3:23 pm
After reading your post, I called my mom to ask if I was ever clingy when I was little. Her answer, “NO, thank goodness!”
And I agree totally with MFF, you are one chic mama!!
DT: Haha…your mum’s lucky then…
Comment by DT — Fri, 11 May 2007 @ 12:07 pm