It’s quite an irony that my mum and I share different sides to a same set of problems. Problems with in-laws that is. For her, it’s with her daughter-in-laws, and for me, it’s with my mother-in-law.
Come to think about it, this shouldn’t really be surprising. After all, how much can we expect when we can even have problems with family members bound by blood ties. So what more of those without? Moreover, this is a well-known century old problem that exists in all societies.
But I should count myself lucky. For now.
My mum has to deal with four DILs, all who gave her some troubles at different points of her life until now. Emotional conflicts, petty arguments, dramatic showdown, what have you. On top of her difficult relations with her DILs, she has had to deal with a challenging MIL during her younger days.
As for me, while I do treat my MIL with consideration and respect when it’s due, I do not show deference for the sake of doing so and will not brush off unreasonable remarks lightly. Let’s say I’m no angel, but neither do I play the devil. I will stand up for issues I believe in but I would never do anything untoward. Perhaps this is due in part to my character, but I believe that most DILs these days are no longer meek as their mothers most probably were. Even if their approach is less confrontational, they might still kick a fuss with the hubby and get him to settle outstanding unhappy issues, or worst, stage the silent protest. Of course there are always the extreme but those are rare I suppose.
However, unfortunately, I will not enjoy my current “status” for long. In time to come, there is a high probability that I will end up facing the same set of problems as my mum. For the simple reason because I have a son, and not a daughter. When he grows up and he gets married, I will have to deal with a possibily defiant DIL. What goes around, comes around.
So this is why I’ll need to drill into my head that when that time comes, I need to detach myself physically and emotionally away from my son, and mind my own business.
See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.
Waaah. Gavin is still so young, already you are giving yourself heartaches over DIL issues? Hahaha. You need to go out for more beers!
irene: Heartaches no. Headstart, yesh. Never too early to start when it comes to matters of the mind.
Comment by irene — Sat, 3 Feb 2007 @ 5:26 am
Hee… this is so funny! But I guess it’s true about problem between MIls and DILs. Hey, maybe can start drilling Gavin since young about getting only meek and nice gals as girlfriends? Then again hor, meek and nice girls are rare these days…kekeke ! In fact, I find the girls more aggressive than boys with the new era.
p.s
Hey, this has nothing to do with your post. But has DR contacted you lately over e-mail or MSN? Have not heard from her lately and kind of being wondering how she is…..a little worried for her too.
Hope she is fine
ssf: Whoa, no lah…getting only meek and nice gals? Later, cannot find anyone here, then end up got to buy foreign brides!!! Kekeke…
I haven’t heard from DR. Actually wanted to send her an sms yesterday but stopped short cos maybe she’s just tired, like you were in the first trimester, and maybe she doesn’t want to be disturbed. And if I remember correctly, they were planning on going to South Africa sometime now.
Comment by sunshinensunflower — Sat, 3 Feb 2007 @ 7:00 am
Fortunately, I didn’t have to deal with MIL in the same household. I had the best MIL, and never once argued with me.
That is what I intend to do, to live independently and not to try to mind my own business as much as possible. i might live nearby so when my help is needed or vice versa, I am within the driving distance.
Belle: That’s great and I agree. Living nearby is a better option than living together.
Comment by Belle — Sat, 3 Feb 2007 @ 9:43 pm
uh oh, it is early morning here, sorry for the typo. I meant “to try to mind my own busines…”
Belle: No worries. I do that all the time too…early mornings or not.
Comment by Belle — Sat, 3 Feb 2007 @ 9:44 pm
Hee…hee..hee… siao already lah, if must resort to foreign brides
Better discard my silly suggestion!
Okie, good, at least u have her contact. Yup, should be the trimester 1 nausea…will try to catch her online too!
SSF: I sent her an sms yesterday eventually…hesitated cos was afraid she might find it intrusive. But no reply leh…
Comment by sunshinensunflower — Sun, 4 Feb 2007 @ 5:35 pm
Amen. DIL - MIL relationship, really, complicated.
ky: Yalor…and the stories cannot be told in a day…
Comment by kwai yoke — Sun, 4 Feb 2007 @ 7:46 pm
It’s a long way more to go. I hope you will refer to this when the time comes
JM: Must start drilling now…hahaha…
Comment by JoMel — Mon, 5 Feb 2007 @ 12:28 am
Ya, and remember? Damien already made up his mind to stay on his own when he grows up…what more can i say?
Eileen: Ya, I remember. Maybe he’ll change his mind later?
Comment by Eileen — Mon, 5 Feb 2007 @ 3:17 pm
quite true lar… but all this sound so sad…
Yes headstart… better start early, drilling 孝心 into their brain! need not to stay together but definately must have “parents’ heart” as priority right? ;p
wtpg: I suppose…but can’t say for sure how the next generation will think. Filial piety is a depreciating value.
Comment by wtpgrr — Mon, 5 Feb 2007 @ 7:15 pm
Being a DIL is tough, being a MIL too is tough..
Now, shouldn’t I thank my lucky star that I have two daugthers?
But I still have to deal with my MIL whom my hubby loves very much… *sigh*
ZM: I envy you. With two daughters, next time it’s your son-in-law who has to please you and not the other way round.
Comment by zara's mama — Tue, 6 Feb 2007 @ 11:37 am