This is unbelievably annoying. In a space of three days, I have two people telling me stupid things concerning my son that defies all logic. And the best part is that both these two people are related to him by blood.
On his birthday, his grandad asked me in a most challenging tone if I’m certain that Gavin is a horse according to the Chinese zodiac sign. I was in the middle of my meal and almost choked on my curry beehoon. It’s either I got my son’s birthday all wrong or someone had switched the zodiac animal sign abruptly on 1st Jan 2003 without mine or anyone’s knowledge. Really, what gave him the right to challenge me about my son’s zodiac sign when first, he has gotten his facts all wrong and second, he doesn’t even know anything about how the Chinese calendar works in relation to birth dates?
Then today, his dad had to question me about his kindergarten education that got me even more worked up.
Taken from the MOE website:
A child whose birth date falls on 1st January 2001 will be 6 years of age on 1st January 2007. He/she will be due for Primary 1 in the school year commencing 1st January 2007. Parents who wish to defer or delay entry of their children into Primary 1 must have strong reasons to support this.
This will become applicable to Gavin in two year’s time. Even though he will only be six years old, he WILL have to join the 2002 batch in Primary One, unless we have strong reasons to defer his enrollment. That being the case, he has to be in Kindergarten Year One this year, like it or not, even though it is not compulsory. Otherwise, how is he to be prepared for Primary One when the time comes?
Education today is no longer like the past when we were taught the ABCs and 123s in Primary One. The kids are expected to have learned those basics in their two years of Kindergarten education. Lament for all we want but unfortunately the system has changed and as parents, we cannot be laxed and give stupid lame excuses that it was never like that during our time.
I feel so angry.
By not finding out the facts and shooting from their hips, these people have no regards for my feelings. Even when presented with the facts and even though they know they have put their foot in their mouth, especially in the case of his grandad, there were no apologies whatsoever. Now I really regret inviting him to live with us.
While I may not be the best mother, but I will always have my child’s interest at heart. Already, I’ve been feeling so damned vexed for the past weeks that Gavin will be greatly disadvantaged because of the age differential and these people have to add on to my stress by making all those stupid insensitive remarks surrounding his birth date.
So my new year really started with a bang. Literally.
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Pingback by Parenting » Blog Archive » Tug of the birth date — Wed, 3 Jan 2007 @ 4:08 pm
Hehehe, it is part of the non-negotiable package. (the relatives, I mean)
Lilian: Yalor…so sianz…
Comment by lilian — Wed, 3 Jan 2007 @ 4:21 pm
Well, ptooey on them. Really, how hard is it to not add to another person’s problems? I think you’re quite justified in being upset with these people who are only giving you problems. I’m sorry that your year started off this way.
ally bean: Because shooting from the hips is easier than being considerate to others’ feelings!
Comment by ally bean — Wed, 3 Jan 2007 @ 11:26 pm
Hey..SS,
Lucky me.. i learnt to ignore questions like that.. over here. Wait till you hear what my MIL asked me.. when Chloe was younger.. you lagi “pengshan” hhahhahha!! i just ignored it lah..! Angry lah.. but what to do.. in-laws right..??
MB: Your MIL like that? I cannot tahan one. And like crazymom said, must show color sometimes so they know not to meddle so much. In-laws yes, but they should know their place.
Comment by Mama Bok — Thu, 4 Jan 2007 @ 1:02 am
Not sure about you, I usually don’t just keep quiet (有时还给他们脸色看:P opps) if my in-laws said something wrong or trying to poke into my biz. After a while, they just learnt to respect me more or that maybe they’ve given up on me.
So, if you are going to stay with them (or are they staying with you already?), sometimes it does help to just show them a bit of your “color”, you know?
CM: Oh, I do that all the time. In fact when he asked me I immediately shot back with 你讲设么loudy. I’ve flared up with my MIL but not my FIL. But if he continues to be like that, then one day sure kena one.
Comment by crazymommy — Thu, 4 Jan 2007 @ 5:25 am
Men!
Enough said.
Irene: Hiaz…
Comment by Irene — Thu, 4 Jan 2007 @ 5:42 am
My inlaws don’t live with me and if they come over I find reasons to be out. That’s how bad I am.
carrie: But I suppose you’re cordial with them? I used to be like that too. At the moment, my inlaws are not living with me but they might. I’m now thinking it’s a bad idea. VERY bad idea.
Comment by carrie — Thu, 4 Jan 2007 @ 9:10 am
Cool down ya?
Other people I can ignore, but it’s kinda hard to swallow the comments made by people who are close to you. I’ll be fumed too if I were you. Kindergarten education these days are indeed scary. I’m dead worried how Jayden can cope, and he is 7 months older than Gavin. So I can understand your stress. Will you consider homeschooling him these two years? At least you can pace your speed according to his progress.
mel: You’re spot on about the fact that it’s hard to swallow comments from pple close, especially my husband. I’m most annoyed because I consider myself quite understanding towards him and yet, he doesn’t reciprocrate, at least in this matter. As for homeschooling, frankly, I’m not confident about myself. I don’t have the discipline and patience so I’ll rather sent him to school.
Comment by mel — Thu, 4 Jan 2007 @ 9:19 am
i’m guessing it’s their tone that riled u. not so much of the questions. take it as they don’t know the scope and all. or just wave papers & definitions in front of them? or one day, snidely tell them to check their info before asking u redundant questions? (but better make sure ur own sources of info r all steadily updated and can beat them flat anytime!!!)
imp: No, it’s not just their tone but where they’re coming from. I absolutely detest it when they question me about my child. It’s something I cannot accept because they always think they’re right, yet they know nothing or do not know enough! I would never flare if I didn’t think they’re craps.
Comment by imp — Thu, 4 Jan 2007 @ 11:30 am
Don’t worry too much. Gavin will pick up most things 6 months later. U will start to see him performing better towards the later half of the year. Don’t get discourage. Help him by going through lessons taught in school. Not sure what sort of std his school is, but from my experience, the high std one sure will tell you your son is too slow or unable to follow. Anyway, my point is help your son on topics he is weak on, so that he will not stress out and don’t want to go to school. He will show improvement from your help.
Eu is very good in Chinese and Maths, but poor in English. So I read to him everyday and get him to read once he is ready. Also, I will prepare him for show and tell sessions, so that he knows what to do and not look stupid in front of his classmates. It sounds crazy to get so nervous for K1, but this is all I can do to help my son to feel more comfortable in class and interested in learning.
Good luck on Gavin’s K1 journey!
ky: Hey thanks! I really appreciate you giving me this advice especially becos Eu’s also in the same situation where he has to head for Primary One at six. Yes, I know I need to be more diligent in coaching him. Right now, his major problem is writing. I cannot get him to hold the pencil right yet and frankly I haven’t been teaching him enough on that. Other than that, his reading and Maths are okay I think as his teacher did give positive feedback on those. Btw, I hope Eu’s had enjoyed himself during his birthday. You haven’t been updating your blog for very long but I suppose you must be very busy.
Comment by kwai yoke — Thu, 4 Jan 2007 @ 5:20 pm
That’s the whole problem isn’t it, you marry the man, you marry his family. I’m a more passive DIL compared to you and CM - that’s not only just my personality, but giving my husband face. He would put his mom in her place though, if she overstepped, so I’m not concerned. But yeah, it just so pisses me off when people (family or otherwise) make comments when they don’t know better.
Hsin: I don’t think you’ve a passive personality from your entries I’ve read. Haha. But you’re being considerate and glad to know you husband supports you. I think your MIL is not as quirky as mine too.
Comment by Hsin — Thu, 4 Jan 2007 @ 10:02 pm
A very happy belated birthday to the handsome boy!!
And a Happy new year to you babe.
I know where you are coming from, having his best interest at heart and yet, feeling totally challenged by these people who make you feel like you are so incompetent. I know I know.. I think us mommies feel that way many a time.
Just vent it out here, and don’t let them sway your confidence. *HUGS*
JM: Thanks. Mothers can always understand such feelings better. I know you’ve come across situations like that too. I remember the teacher about the kutu comment.
Comment by JoMel — Thu, 4 Jan 2007 @ 11:40 pm
My method…. act blur and then draw a distance from them. Mine got the message.
Sometimes I deliberately ignored what they said…..pretending not to hear.
In short, PIls can be a pain in the ass, esp. the female version…hee….hee…hee….;-)
SSF: Ya, act blur…one of the other tactic I use. But sometimes too angry to want to act.
Comment by sunshinensunflower — Fri, 5 Jan 2007 @ 6:37 am
Not easy i know especially when they can be so opinionated at times. i can understand your frustration. prob can just advise u to hang in there and not let it affect u too much. am sure it wont be the last time this happens..
kinda encountered something similar with hub over some issues on the year 2002 batch pr 1 registration. what baffled me was thatmy hub choose to believe what other told him instead of what I’d said..esp when i got the info from the moe website..gah!
Angelia: Very funny sometimes what and who they choose to believe in!
Comment by Angelia — Fri, 5 Jan 2007 @ 10:31 pm
Sesame, I know what you mean about being too angry to act sometimes.
What to do? Can’t banish them leh….in-laws. My male version is fine, but the female version can get on my nerves most of the time.
ssf: And I had thought my male version is fine…
Comment by sunshinensunflower — Sat, 6 Jan 2007 @ 7:50 am
I would rather let their son talk to them then to speak to them personally. Language differences and I also think they tend to trust their son more than me, a DIL, who is afterall less known to them.
DR: Maybe you’re more of a traditionalist. If they’re addressing me, then I should respond. I cannot wait for my man to respond and he may not also reflect what I think. It’s important especially I feel they’re saying things that are out of sync.
Comment by domestic rat — Mon, 8 Jan 2007 @ 11:34 am