My hairstylist was lamenting to me that he has lost some of his clients because they never return to use his service after giving birth. Apparently some of them were too preoccupied being mothers that they no longer have the time or were interested to groom themselves. At the most, they’ll just settle for a quick fix at the neighbourhood salons.
I think most of us mothers can probably relate to this.
We lose some of our lifestyles when we advance to the stage of motherhood. The extent of it will be dependent on how engaged one gets in the new role, whether one is a SAHM or a working mother, whether there is any form of relief if one wants to take some time off, and whether one actually feels a need to upkeep the pre-motherhood lifestyle.
There are some amongst us who get too engrossed in their mothering role that they completely forget to take care of their own needs. Then there are those who are so hands off, they are more interested in living their lives than changing diapers and potty training. Probably most of us fall somewhere in between.
I remember an ex-editor of Her World magazine once wrote that she can forget about stepping into a theatre for the next year when she has a child. And that’s so true. Because I had to wait like a year or two before I could sneak some time to watch the first movie at the cinema, which was Lord of the Rings. And all in all, I have only watched like three movies at the theatres, which is such a stark contrast to our previous weekly movie outings. I would also say I watch less TV programs now, as compared to before.
I also don’t do dinners with friends anymore unless in exceptional cases. As a matter of fact, my husband and I hardly go out for fancy dinners. Initially it was because we needed to accomodate to his sleeping schedules, then it fell into a sort of routine. Occasionally, thoughts of sneaking out to the clubs at night did strike us but we could never outstrip our guilt to act on those ideas.
In fact, when I started going out to the shops again after becoming a mother, I would only buy things for the boy. Not much for myself. It took me about two years to start to remember to pamper myself again with things I like.
But thank goodness I still took care of my face and my hair. It is something so ingrained that I simply cannot neglect.
So for those ladies who haven’t any kids, remember to live your lives to the fullest while you can. Because when you become a mother, you’ll probably need to sacrifice some parts of your lifestyle, at least for the first couple of years. But of course if you’re super rich, maybe these won’t make any sense to you.
I’m the one that falls more towards no-time-for-my-self category…
I think it’s going to get worse with arrival of no. 2. Who can we leave the girls with when we need to sneak out?
The only time I have for myself is during working hours (where I can do some netsurfing, or chatting with friends when it’s not that busy), and after Zara goes to sleep.
As for pampering, it’s only on those holidays where they have good spa in the hotel, and daddy agree to look after Zara that I can sneak out for a massage or facial.
I’m looking forward to them being 5 and 3yrs old, and then hopefully, it’ll be easier on me.
ZM: Now that your number 2 is coming along, it’ll be even harder. But never mind, it won’t be long before they’re all grown up and we know how time can really FLY with kids to preoccupy our time.
Comment by zara's mama — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 @ 1:23 pm
I hear you loud.. and clear..SS.. ! *sigh*..!
Ever since having chloe things took a drastic change.. i donch even wanna spend money on facial or manicure.. and massages.. anymore.. coz’ i want to get the necessities for chloe first.
Plus ours is a one income family.. so i have to be thrifty too.. cannot anyhow spend money. Not like when i was working.. but if i had to turn the clock back.. i would still choose this life.. than the one i used to have. I was really lonely then.. and although had money .. to spend.. and eat out everyday.. nothing compares to having chloe.
MB: Yeah, we usually put our kids as number one and definitely, a life dedicated to eat, drink and merry could become meaningless without the opportunity to enjoy joy and innocence.
Comment by Mama Bok — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 @ 3:05 pm
Yes! All I want now is everything can remain the same but I become super rich!
If I rich now, I can buy my dream penhouse with nice greenery view, decorate my girls room, have a nice garden… spend million to get the prof to put me back to shape… go long vocation with my parents and the children… no need to work for a living, not happy with the boss? fired him !
Wow! I can do so many things that makes me happy! Most probably most of my troubles will gone too!
Now then I appreciate what money can do wonders and buy happiness… But if money have to be exchangeable with what I have now, especially my girls, I would rather dont have
wtpg: 钱不是万能，但没钱万万不能！
Comment by wtpgrr — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 @ 5:14 pm
Errh… saying that I dont mean I want to be a pauper… whoever fairy, or fairy godmother or santa clause heard this, please dont get me wrong ah… :p
Comment by wtpgrr — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 @ 5:18 pm
I can totally identify with this post. Taking care of a child can be so consuming. But you have to take care of yourself too. The first time i trimmed my hair during maternity leave, I left baby with mother and sprinted to the hair shop. Sitting in the chair, edgy about returning to baby and tired as hell, I burst into tears right there. The hairdresser (a mother of 3) kept comforting me “it will get better. I promise it will.”
And it has.
carrie: I find that most of the time, I’m rushing around and trying not to eat into my boy’s time. I just feel so guilty leaving him at home with the maid. I think maybe that’s how you felt, plus being tired. Well, we learn along the way and as they grow up, it gets better (in one sense.) By the way, carrie, I deleted your other comment because it’s duplicated. Sometimes, some of the comments gets stuck in the spam box, but I will always check for them. So if your next comment doesn’t appear immediately, it’s cos of that.
Comment by carrie — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 @ 10:38 am
You said it, girl. I have to admit though, that I was never one to do facials or do my hair fancy, so that bit hasn’t changed post-children. But I do like nice restaurants and a good movie. It sounds like I’ve gotten more in than you though, since having Sara. Once Sara was sleeping through the nite, we were able to establish Date Night where our babysitter would come in and just watch TV while Sara slept, so that we could catch a movie or eat at a nice restaurant. Since having Nathan, though, we’re back to no-going-out-stage, but we are keen to re-establish Date Night. Looking forward to it!
Hsin: I remember your Date Nights. It’s a nice idea, but we’ve not done anything together in the night. Only for breakfast or tea, like when he’s in school or napping.
Comment by Hsin — Sat, 16 Dec 2006 @ 8:55 pm
Haha… this got me thinking what kind of mother I would be.
DR:
Comment by domestic rat — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 @ 12:58 am