Before Gavin arrived, when it was just the two of us with our dog, we showered an overwhelming amount of affection on each other. And the dog as well.
Everyday would not be complete without hugs, cuddles, fusses, lap sits and sweet nothings.
After Gavin arrived, when it was no longer just the two of us and by then we had no dog, we still showered an overwhelming amount of affection. But mostly on our child now.
Overnight, all our kisses, hugs, fusses, lap sits and sweet nothings were transfered from each other to our kid.
We stopped showering as much affection on each other. Instead, all the attention was on the boy. And not that we do not mind. But still, affections had to be elicited.
“Only kisses for the boy? What about me?” Either one of us would sometimes ask.
Lately however, there has been a slight improvement. We remember to shower more affections on each other. Or more accurately, we have been reminded to shower more affections on each other.
“Together. Together.” Gavin would say to us and then insist that we hug, put our faces together or kiss each other.
*SIGH*
Do we really need our kid to tell us how to love?
No, of course you don’t! Just initiate the first move and it will be reciprocrated. If we make it a point to practise affection, it will become a habit. Otherwise it will remain in the back burner, something hidden and forgotten which is sad.
mumsgather: It was a habit but somehow, the habit has been transferred to our child. I suppose it’s cos we’ve made him our centre of attention.
Comment by mumsgather — Fri, 8 Dec 2006 @ 12:23 pm
mumsgather ’said’ it so perfectly. And I like the way Gavin gathers everybody together for a bear hug!
DR: Ya, he’s kind of cute when he does sweet things like that. In fact, he oozes with affection most of the time.
Comment by domestic rat — Fri, 8 Dec 2006 @ 12:25 pm
Shit. Spammed again!
DR: I will usually check my spam box and will sift through for legitimate comments. Usually when a comment gets classified as spam, it will go back into the spam box or moderation even after being lifted for one or two more times.
Comment by domestic rat — Fri, 8 Dec 2006 @ 12:26 pm
It’s amazing what having kids does to your relationship. I thought one was a big change; two is killer.
BBM: Yeah, on one level, it cements the r/s but on another level, the dynamics somehow changes.
Comment by Black Belt Mama — Fri, 8 Dec 2006 @ 1:05 pm
i always believed that in a marriage, it should be husband and wife first, then mother and father in order to keep the romance alive.
imp: Believe me, children do take away some of the romance. At least when they’re young and need our energy.
Comment by imp — Fri, 8 Dec 2006 @ 3:37 pm
Ahhhh..!! what a difference eh..?? after having a kid. I love my brat so much.. that i sometimes forget to be loving to Papa BoK. I think Papa BoK is still pretty affectionate..
The type.. must kiss before sleeping.. hehhe!! but i .. can do without it.. because of his prickly beard .. hahhaha!! But how come… before the brat came along. .i donch mind leh..?? now i only want lots of kisses from my brat.. or when she say.. “i love you..!” in such a cute voice.. i feel so happy. When Papa BoK says.. “i love you” ..!! i sometimes ignore him.. hahha!! bad Mama Bok..!
MB: Very funny right? I’m also like you. Last time will sulk when he forgets something. Now, either forget or can’t really be bothered. But of course, we’ll still enjoy the attention when our hubs shower on us right?
Comment by Mama Bok — Fri, 8 Dec 2006 @ 4:17 pm
I am just like that. Kissing the kids at higher frequency than the husb. Date nights without the kid, essential.
carrie: Kids are really more kissable, and seriously, I really think there’s a transfer of affections here. We don’t do date nights but we do spend some time together like having breakfast or tea. What I call stolen moments.
Comment by carrie — Sat, 9 Dec 2006 @ 3:00 pm
For others may be unconsciously but for me, I actually laterally transfer all my affection to my girls as I find them more soul rewarding…Initially is sad but now, somehow gradually feeling numb already. At least we dont quarrel now
wtpg: Ya, I also think sometimes loving children is more gratifying because they only want your love.
Comment by wtpgrr — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 @ 8:34 pm
[...] cannot be helped because I did say that since the boy arrived, both our affections have been transferred. I know I have also been too self-focused during this stage to look after his needs and [...]
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