My husband hasn’t been wearing his wedding ring for a long time. Let’s see. At least for three years now. If I am not wrong, it is left somewhere on top of one of the bookshelves to collect dust.
He started not wearing the ring on days when he played golf. Then he didn’t wear it whenever he had to exercise. And now, he completely stopped wearing the ring.
Of course I am upset with him especially since I still wear mine faithfully whenever I go out. To me, wearing the ring is a public display of commitment to a marriage. If I do not wear my ring, it means I’m VERY angry with him.
When I last took issue with him on this, his excuse was that he had almost lost the ring once and that was why he doesn’t want to wear it. Honestly, I think that’s just bull. Because I almost lost mine too but I continue to wear the ring no matter.
Although I no longer kick up fusses about this, but they’re days when I’m particularly paranoid and would imagine that the real reason why he doesn’t wear the ring is because he wants to be seen as available. That’s like 99.9% not true but when I’m paranoid, anything goes. And you cannot blame me for thinking such because I have indeed come across men like that, such as a certain flirty pilot who creatively and discreetly wore his wedding band as his pendant. I guess only he knew what message he was trying to send out by doing that. Plus to add on to my paronoia, I continue to read on a regular basis, negative speculations regarding Mr or Mrs celebrities who are seen not wearing their wedding rings.
In hindsight, I should have been more insistent with him since I do see the wedding ring as an indication of a marital commitment to fidelity. But then, what’s the point of forcing the flesh when the mind isn’t willing?
Papa BoK doesn’t wear his ring too.. his fingers got too big for it.. apparently..! and yes.. i’m like you .. why force.. when the mind is unwilling.. so i just let it go.
As far as i am concern.. if Papa BoK is doing hanky panky stuff.. he can be sure.. that he ain’t gonna see his daughter no more.. and i know .. it’s not only gonna hurt him… but my in laws as well.. and i know .. Papa Bok wouldn’t do anything to hurt my in laws.. and i know he loves the brat too much.. and not be able to see his brat.. would kill him.. hahahahahah!! *evil*
MB: Hiak hiak! Papa Bok cannot run away liao! And he won’t lah… his reason for not wearing is cos it doesn’t fit mah…I can accept this reason.
Comment by Mama Bok — Wed, 1 Nov 2006 @ 4:52 pm
I’m the one who does wear the ring b’cos it’s too small for me after I’d given birth to Zara.
I’d told myself that once I’d given birth to this baby, I’ll enlarge the ring to fit my finger size. Hubby has been faithfully wearing his, but he didn’t mind me not wearing mine.
I do feel that it is a show of commitment, that’s why I want to resize mine.
ZM: You see, for you, it’s becos your fingers outgrew your ring. Not becos you don’t want to wear it. So if I’m your hubby, I’ll also accept it. Like Papa Bok’s case…and the best part is you’re going to make an effort to resize it.
Comment by zara's mama — Wed, 1 Nov 2006 @ 5:13 pm
OMG! You seem to be writing my life’s story here!! I went through all that! ALL of it, including the reasons why and how the ring was completely left not worn. Some days though, I would spot it on his finger, to my utter amusement. (Hey, gimme a hug will ya? I think I need one)
Lil’ Joy: Your hubs was like that too??? Hiyah…hug hug we must! Somemore same reasons…Men ah…hiaz… For me, wearing the ring is a habit. But for him, not wearing is a habit…
Comment by Lil' Joy — Wed, 1 Nov 2006 @ 5:14 pm
Interesting. My husband wore his ring for about a year after we were married, but he hated the feel of it. So he never wore it again. Maybe the ring just doesn’t feel right to your husband and that is all there is to it. I’m not really crazy about rings so I can see this as happening.
ally: He had no problems wearing it for years before so it’s not becos it doesn’t feel right. My take is he’s just not making an effort to wear it.
Comment by ally bean — Wed, 1 Nov 2006 @ 8:41 pm
hm, darn..it’s the opposite for me. hub faithfully wears the ring but i don’t..though it’s really not because i want to give the impression that im single. im just not used to wearing it i guess and because he doesn’t mind me not doing so, i guess i continue not to do it regularly.
for celebs, it is different i feel. what they do is always subject to constant scrutiny and sometimes, what they do always have a reason (to create buzz, publicity etc).
Angelia: Yeah, I know what you mean about the celebs. But still, the ring is a sign of commitment even based on the buzz. As for you, I find it strange cos usually ladies don’t mind wearing rings and it’s the guys who are not used to it. Haha…you’re different lah…
Comment by Angelia — Wed, 1 Nov 2006 @ 10:34 pm
I’m the reverse, I don’t wear the ring cos it gives me ringworm fungus. Besides, with no maid now, the ring gets in the way while doing housework. Hubs faithfully wears his, even the engagement ring. I like that feeling of commitment, even to the ring!
MS: You have sensitive skin? Anyway, I don’t wear my ring at home. Only when I go out…
Comment by mother superior — Wed, 1 Nov 2006 @ 11:56 pm
We both wear our rings, although Danny periodically moves it to his third finger because in some parts of the year, his fourth finger apparently “shrinks”. He’s almost lost his ring a few times now, including almost down a toilet bowl. Hehe. Anyway, I’m not really fussed about whether or not he wears his ring. My parents haven’t worn their rings in so long that I don’t even remember them with their rings.
Hsin: Well, at least he wears it…
Comment by Hsin — Thu, 2 Nov 2006 @ 6:48 am
When we first got married, hubby asked “Must wear ah?” because he wasn’t used to having the feel of a ring on his finger. I told him if he’s not comfortable with wearing it on his finger he can wear it on a chain around his neck! Hahaha. Anyway, he’s gotten used to it now and wears it faithfully. Hehe.
mumsgather: You so good ah…suggesting that he wears it on a chain…
Comment by mumsgather — Thu, 2 Nov 2006 @ 11:36 am
I don’t wear my ring either except on certain occasions when I feel there’s a need to. My reason for not wearing is I’m hardly a ring person. Never like anything on my fingers and also I’m allergic to certain metals so yes, my eczema on my hands flare up whenever I don the ring. On the other hand, MM wears the ring like a security blanket is to Linus. He goes crazy and frantic whenever he cant find the ring. Once I tricked him that the ring has fallen down the pipes. Forgot to tell him I was teasing him, only to woke up from my nap to find my man dismantling whatever part of the pipe he can dismantle! Now his ring looks so worn out that I think we need a new pair of bands very soon.
DR: You naughty girl…lucky he n’vr flood the house with the dismantled pipes!
Comment by domestic rat — Thu, 2 Nov 2006 @ 12:43 pm
Exactly! Guess u know the reason y i dont wear mine? Cos the hubby is not wearing! I am ANGRY! (cant imagine the time when we were scouting high & low for our perfect band -_-)
I felt the same way as you… wearing the band is not only an public display we commited to our marriage but also a display of “proudness” to public that we were bonded(I cant find the appropriate word but u know what i mean?). Especially a clear message to some evil motive woman, not to mess with him as he is happily married… the kind of feeling I long to receive from the hubby… but instead, the hubby think that my mentality is absurb! He said our minister Mr XXX didnt wear his, does that mean that he dont love his marriage? I dont care which minister and I am not married to him but I am married to you & I only concern you!!! & if you love me & u know this had upset me but you still choose to ignore me and commented “If you choose to upset yourself, I cant be help…”
Fine! I give up forcing him too…
Well, our man are just of the same kind (hug hug)… anyway if they really want to go fidelity, they will, even wearing the ring.
wtpg: I know what you mean…especially the part you said about hunting high and low for the wedding bands. So if don’t want to wear after marriage, what’s the point of buying it and wearing it when exchanging vows? Haha…actually my hubs scolded me for writing this cos he said I “badmouthed” him and again gave excuse that it’s cos he’s not used to it. But after I said he never complained for 5 years after our marriage that he was not used to it, he shut up…
Comment by wtpgrr — Thu, 2 Nov 2006 @ 1:51 pm
Totally agree with wtpgrr on certain guys still go fidelity if they REALLY want EVEN wearing the ring.
Ashes:
Comment by Ashes — Thu, 2 Nov 2006 @ 3:45 pm
If my man check on my blog, most probably he will said the same too, I badmouthed him. Anyway, he dont. He’s the kind that dont check on me, positively people will say it’s trust but negatively, I think is dont care.
So, SS he cares about you
(Dear SS’s hubby,
I say good words for u already hah… :p)
wtpg: Hahaha…this is funny, the message you wrote to my hub…:lol:
Comment by wtpgrr — Mon, 6 Nov 2006 @ 12:46 pm
We have been wearing ours faithfully eversince the day we got ROM-ed…it’s become more of a habit now, i guess..hehe..
but hor, if a man/woman wants to go astray, ring or no ring, it will still happen lor.. 
Eileen: Hiaz…I suppose so…
Comment by Eileen — Mon, 6 Nov 2006 @ 3:00 pm