My MIL called me last evening to tell me she’s coming today to cook lunch and will stay through till I’m back in the afternoon.
Because she had told me what she’ll prepare, I only left instructions for the maid to prepare soup plus dinner and left for work early in the morning before she arrived. I didn’t anticipate any problems but it looked like I was over optimistic.
My husband, her son, who was around when she arrived told me how he almost blew his top at her again because she had to go ask him something he considered annoying. He also had to tell her off for hitting Gavin’s hands too hard.
As soon as I, her DIL, came back from work just now, she complained about her petty son and my mischievious boy, and subsequently talked about the food she had prepared for lunch, before coming to the main point. Which is the food I had asked the maid to prepare for Gavin. Specifically, the unhealthy fried fish cake I had asked her to add in his soup. She also went on to criticise my maid’s cooking method, knowing fully well that the latter was merely following my instructions.
This isn’t new to me at all. That she’s such a challenge most of the time. Totally lacking emotional intelligence. Going on and on about things she has been reminded a gazillion times not to ask, say or do.
It isn’t just about how she’ll comb through everything and then try to find fault to prove that she or her point is the best. It’s more about how she simply doesn’t understand that different people, her children included, have different preferences. That there’s a need to respect and give others space. And that certain matters are better said at a more appropriate timing. Or left unsaid.
I know my MIL too well to give in to her. Since we’ve agreed that they can move in next year, and since we’ve already stated our concerns, including the fact that she mustn’t interfere with our lifestyle, I feel she ought to know EXACTLY where she stand now. No hums. No haws. Hence, I reminded her matter-of-factly that not everything she says always make sense and she should try to exert more self-control and not run our lives her way.
So yes, there are certain things I’m particular about as well. It’s our happiness at stake and no way am I going to just cross my fingers and hope for things to turn out well. If she wants to live with us, then she has to start learning about our ways as well. That, or I WILL HAVE TO TEACH HER.
Oh.. oh..!! trouble already started before she even moved in..!! i see hard times ahead..SS..!
MB: It has always been like that. You see even her own son cannot tahan her…now he even suggested just having his dad move in only…haha…
Comment by Mama Bok — Mon, 16 Oct 2006 @ 11:08 pm
Lighten up!
DR: Yeah, whenever she’s not around…heehee…
Comment by domestic rat — Mon, 16 Oct 2006 @ 11:33 pm
I think you are the kind of person who would be able to handle this with tact. May you be blessed with loads of patience!
Lil’ Joy: Unfortunately, tact is completely lost on her. And yesh, I’ll need lots of patience.
Btw, your earlier comment got gobbled by my spam eater but I’ve seen unspammed it. So I deleted your latest comments since it’s duplicated.
Comment by Lil' Joy — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 @ 12:29 am
Give and take , I supposed
But seriously, it is never an easy task to stay with the in-laws, esp. the female version….hee…hee…hee
SSF: Yalor…female and female even worst right? But hor, even her own son also bay tahan her leh…
Comment by sunshinensunflower — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 @ 1:04 am
Yeah, she better learn. What a nightmare. I hope you can get that situation under control.
BBM: *sigh*
Comment by Black Belt Mama — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 @ 1:43 am
I am with you, TEACH HER….you go girl!
Jan: *peace*
Comment by Jan (My lovely Rays) — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 @ 10:22 am
oooh. ‘teach her’. i like the sound of that! i agree- must start now. or else it’ll be too late. she can ramble for all she wants, just give her good one-liners.
imp: Heh. And in a very cool tone…
Comment by imp — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 @ 2:08 pm
Hmm.. I find a lot of MILs like to interfere with the way we live.
But I like the way you handle her. She’s ok after you ‘reminded’ her of things?
ZM: Oh, she tried to ramble on but I just said I was busy and turn to walk away. But the funny thing is she always act like nothing happen after such “reminders”. Which means she’ll also repeat again…
Comment by zara's mama — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 @ 3:35 pm
Good luck. She sounds like a nightmare.
ally: *sigh*
Comment by ally bean — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 @ 5:13 am
I like the way you handle your MIL…i hope i can do the same as you…
Eileen: No need to do the same if your MIL is not the same as mine. And I think my MIL is quite the ultimate type! :p
Comment by Eileen — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 @ 3:20 pm
Looks like your ML will listen to u and hopefully follow your family’s way of living. Still, it’s a fine line to tread staying with in-laws. As the saying goes “one mountain cannot have 2 tigers”. May you have unending patience and love for her, as love endures all things.
dreamy princess: I only hope she’ll at least meet and adapt half way. I don’t expect her to completely follow our way of living cos it’s also understandably hard at her age. But you’re right about the saying cos I see that myself too. The thing is that my MIL has a lot of love in her heart (maybe too much), and she does have her plus points like tolerance. The thing is that her behaviour and somethings thinking makes getting along difficult…
Comment by dreamy princess — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 @ 1:53 am