We had a family conference last evening with my in-laws and agreed in principle that they can move in sometime next year, when they’re done with selling their place. We also opened up the option of letting them stay with us permanently if everything works out well.
Of course we also stated our concerns and made some conditions. These would hopefully, give all of us sufficient time to become emotionally prepared for the change.
I appreciate those of you who have taken the time to drop your comments in my previous entry. I understand that this is a major decision and we do need to tread carefully. And contrary to what some of you think, I’m not that selfless.
The reason why I’m agreeing is because I cannot find it in my heart to reject a request made by my old FIL. This must be something that he has been hoping and wishing for his old age and I simply cannot bear to turn him down. Moreover, during our times of crisis, he has extended his hands to help us. Apart from the fact that he is long-winded and too concerned with his face value, I am confident I will have little problem living with him.
It’s my MIL that I’m worried about. Those of you who have followed my blog since the earlier days would know that I’ve had HUGE EXPLOSIVE confrontations with her before. At the same time, you might also have read that I have played the role of Aunt Agony to her recently. So overall, we have a somewhat bizarre relationship and I can just forsee my life ahead getting more interesting.
Oh well…
I certainly remember my marriage vows didn’t say anything about staying happily married forever. But perhaps I have also missed a line or two? That in marrying my man, I married the family too?
All the best to you. I think what you do is indeed good, but I don’t seem to be able to do it myself..
Oh well, maybe because my inlaws have never extended their help to me, not even in time of need like when I didn’t have a confinement lady during Zara’s time, my MIL didn’t offer to cook or help me care with Zara, and only did the background nagging.. that’s a long story, but I wouldn’t dare talk about this openly in my blog because my BIL and SIL have links to my blog.
So I really salute you for being able to make this decision, and hopefully, one day, I’ll be able to do the same too.
ZM: Ah, then that’s different and if I were you, also behave likewise. To be fair, even though my MIL is problematic, she has tried to do a lot of things for me. Just that she can say all the wrong things at the wrong time and also got some wrong values which I’m afraid she’ll impart to Gavin. So I need to control my temper, as well as remind her constantly to watch her words and behaviour…
Comment by zara's mama — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 @ 5:31 pm
I suppose if both sides make a conscious effort to be civilian, life will still be manageable.
DR: I suppose…must fine-tune expectations lor…
Comment by domestic rat — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 @ 6:36 pm
Alamak! I meant being civil.
Comment by domestic rat — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 @ 6:38 pm
so gah… sort of confirm already… well, I can understand how you feel if were to reject an old man furthermore oweing gratitude. I wont have the heart either…
Hopefully you are another exceptional that can live haramony with the in-laws
Cheers
wtpg: I doubt so lah…but just cross fingers that got no major problems lor…
Comment by wtpgrr — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 @ 6:59 pm
Hope everything turn out fine.
Ashes:
Comment by Ashes — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 @ 8:33 am
it’s good that you can accept it with such grace and not feel sore over it….hope no fireworks between you and your mil….
Jan: Not sore…just apprehensive…
Comment by Jan (My lovely Rays) — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 @ 9:14 am
hey girl, just imagine how YOU would feel when you and your hubby want to move in with Gavin and his wife when you are old, and Gavin’s wife says NO.
Think this thought should help you control things you cannot stand about your PIL.
danube: Yeah, in fact, this may help to impart proper values of filial piety to him…only that, will it make sense in his generation?
Comment by danube — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 @ 9:29 am
Hey..SS,
i donch know what to say.. about your current situation. .and decision.. because very hard to give opinion.. when one is not in the other’s shoe.
But I hope that everything will turn out alright.. and just wanna say to you .. is to .. “close 1.5 eyes.. ” and “become half deaf” when your in-laws move in with you .. and then everything will be alright.
MB: Yup. We both understand that we need to be more tolerant. My FIL is okay, just need to listen to him when he’s talking. My MIL, can sometimes be a pain. So I hope she’ll at least apply the principle of “close 1 eye”.
Comment by Mama Bok — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 @ 12:34 pm
dicey- if you’re not working and staying at home, and she does the same too. then fireworks are inevitable…. tough to hide in the room all day, or go out all day. hope everyone understands the ’score’ at the family conference and will try to work things out.
imp: I work, part-time. But I still need to spend some time at home with my kid. Conflicts are unavoidable. Will see how it goes.
Comment by imp — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 @ 2:28 pm
Hmm…at least you had a ‘conference’ to sort out the differences and state conditions…i suppose life will be easier then..
All the best and hope all work out fine for your little family!
Eileen: Thanks!
Comment by Eileen — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 @ 4:52 pm
Wow! Good for you. Hang in there and just take things one day at a time.
Irene:
Comment by Irene — Sun, 15 Oct 2006 @ 2:13 pm
I salute your decision to be fair to them. My position about in-laws (not just parents, mind you) is that a little distance does wonders for the health of the relationship. That said, my husband doesn’t necessarily share this view and I will have to live with my MIL in time to come. So I agree - tread carefully. It takes two hands to clap and you can only hope they will make as conscious an effort as you are.
Good luck!
Hsin: No matter how I think of it, this is really going to be tough. I’m just trying not to think about it for the time being…
Comment by Hsin — Sun, 15 Oct 2006 @ 11:05 pm
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