My in-laws have finally said it. That they’ll like to move in with us as they’re planning to sell off their property due to an improved market. I’m not hot about the idea of course, but I haven’t resisted vehemently either. Which is a surprise. In fact, my husband is much more against the idea than me at the moment.
Sure, this is a bad idea to begin with if I were to see things only from my perspective. Afterall, they aren’t my parents and both of them have peculiar characters, especially my MIL. I can just see our entire lifestyle turning topsy-turvy if this were to happen. The problems that will beset us and the inconveniences we’ll need to live with.
Yet, I would also like to see it from their perspective. That there is a need to sell their old property soon and cash out while the market is good. And since my husband is their only son, it is only right for him to accomodate them for a few years while they look for an alternative place to downgrade. It certainly doesn’t make sense for them to go rent a place during this transitional period.
Which is why I haven’t resisted even though I’m lukewarm about the entire idea. This needs careful deliberation. Feelings have to be weighed and issues need to be considered.
Obligations vs preferences. How to strike a balance?
Something like this would have been unthinkable years ago, especially before Gavin was born. I would have done anything in my ability to prevent this from happening. Perhaps motherhood has really mellowed my temperaments and made me more empathetic. That, or I’m indeed getting old.
My MIL lived with us for 5 years until late last year.
I can feel a huge difference pre and post MIL days. A HUGE HUGE HUGE difference.
Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against her. In the 5 years that we lived under the same roof, I never once argued with her even though.. well.. such a long story that I don’t even know how to start.
Let’s just say, I love my home environment much more now than before. Well, you know my situation. I just find it such a pity that I cannot have a more ‘complete’ family now that my MIL is not living in the same house anymore.
I think in your case, since your husband is their only son, hmm… I dunno how to advise you. I am sure you know best.
Lil Joy: Thanks! I know…life will be HUGELY different!
Comment by Lil' Joy — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 @ 3:13 pm
It’s rather tricky but I suppose you will learn to live with them after a while. I’m pretty used to my in-laws since we have rented out rezeb and in-laws’ place is where we can put up, whenever we return. But I can’t compare with you who will have to face them 24/7. If you are frustrated at home, just head out for a pedicure or cuppa at a nice cafe.
DR: Not really 24/7 lah…can mati leh…
Comment by domestic rat — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 @ 3:35 pm
You are indeed very DA FANG. Me ah….stayed with my inlaws for a total of 6 months before we were married. (why 6 months, that was all I could handle, any longer, my hubby would have to visit me woodbridge), it’s that bad.
I cannot even imagine if they have to come stay with us now, what would the situation be like, especially with kids around. scary tot……..i know i will definitely be stretched to the max……
Jan: Woodbridge…so bad ah?
Comment by Jan (My lovely Rays) — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 @ 4:22 pm
Yes, we are definately getter older, who dont aged? Only 姥姥… haha :p
Though appearance wise, some people age slower and some cant even tell but definately life’s experiences sure influence one’s perception.
What I see myself is, certain things I have mellowed but also their are certain things I have became very particular.
wtpg: Mmm…think I know what you mean about being more particular about certain things.
Comment by wtpgrr — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 @ 4:31 pm
wow SS, you’re so magnanimous and big hearted!! if its me, i die die don’t wanna stay with them. some things are best left that way lah. u don’t disturb me, i oso dun disturb u. best! but if its temporary eg. transitional period, then maybe can consider. how bout suggesting that they get a smaller unit nearby? prob few blocks away. can take care of each other yet can maintain yr own privacy.
i’ve got a good friend who’s hubby is a mummy’s boy. he’s the only son too. when his parents wanna move in together, he didnt even consult her. ended up, they took up most of the spaces at home, leaving only the master bedroom to “call her own”. now she mostly stays at her own mum’s place with her two kids, only going home occasionally. i’m glad u and i don’t hv such hubbies :p
Evan: My hubby is too strong headed. So much so that sometimes I have to play the conciliator between him and his parents!
Comment by Evan — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 @ 8:42 pm
Right, I’m not married yet, so am not in any position to give any comments. But I’ve heard tons of stories from friends on the conflicts & friction living with in-laws could produce. So I wish you the best of luck!!
DT: Hiaz…I do need lots of luck…
Comment by DT — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 @ 8:45 pm
i live with my man AND his parents. i honestly must admit i like having his parents around because they’re cool, not peculiar, no weird habits, no odd rules. we get along swell. but really, if we don’t, there is NO WAY i’d want to live with them. no matter how. the only question u have to ask yourself is- what will u do if they plan to live with u permanently? if u can stomach that, u can stomach anything.
imp: Now we’ve offered to them, to live with us permanently.
Comment by imp — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 @ 9:11 pm
It is amazing to me how people in different countries treat their elders. In the US, this just doesn’t happen. It is very good of you to be so wanting to oblige them, but tread carefully. Make sure there are some ground rules if you move forward with these new living arrangements!
BBM: Yup, that’s what we’ll do…establish GROUND RULES!
Comment by Black Belt Mama — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 @ 10:23 pm
Gee.. I don’t know what I’ll do as well with such a situation.
When we moved in to our plc, we have planned to have FIL to live with us (FIL and MIL don’t get along and today they live separately).. but I never could think about having him living with us.. so after 1.5yrs moving in to our new plc, I have made all sort of excuses to prevent FIL to move in.
Now, with no. 2 coming in, I have a stronger reason. That the room will need to be used for no. 2.
Oh well, if it’s a temporary solution, I guess it’s ok, but to live together permanantly, I don’t know if I can cope. Living with my own parents is another story though, because I think I can deal with them better.
ZM: Well, if you don’t have to, then just keep status quo. No point doing something that you’re totally not keen on…
Comment by zara's mama — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 @ 10:37 pm
Not sure wat to comment on this entry coz u noe lah me not married yet so I hope everything will turn out fine whatever the final decision is.
Ashes: It’ll require some effort on everyone’s part to make it work…
Comment by Ashes — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 @ 8:42 am
My hubby is the eldest, so there is a possibility that one day my parents in law might wanna stay with us. I don’t get along really well with them, but there is no major conflicts between us as well…
Me too think if it’s just a short term arrangement, should be fine…
Eileen: I was like that with my in-laws. Very cool relationship. Imagine I never told them I was pregnant until 5 months later. I don’t visit them for half a year even when we didn’t have kids… But over the years, we’ve grown closer and they’ve come to appreciate me more. But still, I have conflicts with my MIL. She’s a bit ’sampat’ and needs to be managed…
Comment by Eileen — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 @ 10:34 am
Hae…hae… really?
I mean for me lah, but what you’re particular about, certainly I won’t know…:wink:
Comment by wtpgrr — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 @ 7:00 pm