So I’ve read about the newborn daughter of Chinese pop diva Faye Wong with a harelip. Other than that, I’ve also read that Faye Wong has expressed her desire to leave the entertainment world and dedicate herself to being a good wife and mother.
Faye Wong’s agent, Chen Jiaying, says Faye Wong’s plan to leave the entertainment scene is getting stronger and stronger, and she respects the singer’s decision — after all, she says, it’s all right for a woman to make sacrifices for her family. Excerpt from Women of China.
Sacrifices? Now did Faye Wong say that? Or more like her manager thinks it’s the case?
Whatever it is, I don’t like the word being used in this context. I have a big problem with the word SACRIFICE being tagged to a woman especially when she chooses her family above all else. It implicitly relegates a SAHM to a lesser role and makes her sound like a tragic victim who is being denied her interests and desires for the sake of her family.
Is that always the case? Isn’t family a big part of one’s life and therefore, for most women, their greatest interest? So why must it be a sacrifice if a woman CHOOSES to move on from her career or her interests to spend time with her family and raise her children? Aren’t they worthy of her time that she’s enjoying herself with them? Or are career and other interests deemed to be of greater value than the family such that it’s considered a sacrifice when she opts for the latter? Or maybe the word just gives women an added feel of nobility because we’ve been traditionally viewed as symbols of sacrifice?
Okay, I don’t know. I don’t have the answers. I only have the questions. All I know for certain is - when it comes to the family, it shouldn’t have to be a sacrifice.
I agree with you. I don’t like the word sacrifice because it implies a certain weakness. Suddenly a woman is a martry to her family’s needs and can whine about it endlessly.
I think that just stating the obvious– Faye Wong has chosen to pursue other interests would be a better way to put her desire to be a fulltime mom. And it would leave the world with a sense that she has made her own decisions.
ally: Sometimes it’s the onlookers who considers the act a sacrifice. Maybe the protagonist doesn’t even feel so.
Comment by ally bean — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 @ 3:25 am
Sacrifice? What Sacrifice? I totally agree with you. Its just a choice and its neither a lesser role nor a noble thing.
Comment by mumsgather — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 @ 9:27 am
I want to add that by calling it a sacrifice it also implies that our family and kids are of lesser importance than work which we have to “give up” for in order to look after the family. Thats ridiculous.
mumsgather: Exactly my sentiment. It’s a choice one makes. So how is it a sacrifice when one chooses to make time for the closest and most precious people in their lives?
Comment by mumsgather — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 @ 9:35 am
I think family always come first for a woman? In this case, she merely chose what she felt is most important - her family.
Eileen: Typically. But every woman has a choice. It’s fine if she chooses her career over her family. I’m just not comfortable when they choose to let go of their career cos of the family, they or their onlookers consider it a sacrifice.
Comment by Eileen — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 @ 9:59 am
I think on the contrary. Not every woman is naturally suited to the role of a SAHM or say, even as a mother. There are undeniably some women who are better off in the corporate world and clearly of undomesticated breed. To them, it’s truly a sacrifice to let go of their own career, their passion for something of a lesser interest, in this case, a domestic life. Yet, to those who truly enjoy caring for their families, it’s a joy and not a sacrifice.
DR: If it really comes to the crunch when these women have to choose, and they consider letting go their career for the family a sacrifice then perhaps these women should think twice about having a family in the first instance.
Comment by domestic rat — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 @ 12:02 pm
I think it’s the other way round.. if you want to choose a challenging career which leaves you no time for your family and be away from them most of the time, you are sacrificing your family.
Btw, I hate what the publicity did to the harelip issue. They should just give the singer and her daugther a break!
ZM: Yeah, I think so too. But it seems that whenever this happens, it’s seldom called a sacrifice and hardly makes for news.
Comment by zara's mama — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 @ 12:19 pm
All said above. I agree with ZMM.
Comment by mother superior — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 @ 12:24 pm
Ya lor. When a woman marries rich and leaves her job to become a tai tai, you don’t hear people saying she “sacrificed” her career to be a tai tai and you don’t hear the expression “she sacrificed her family for her career”. But when a woman leaves her job for her children, then the assumption is that she made a sacrifice regardless of what her inclinations might be.
fuzzoo: Haha…interesting. Perhaps pple like to judge in terms of one’s economic value? If the status brings no money or tangible values, then it is a sacrifice huh?
Comment by fuzzoo — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 @ 8:33 pm
That is the word I always get from ppl (esp relatives, ex-colleagues) when they found out I become a SAHM. They felt pity for me (I sensed it) because they thought I sacrificed my career for the family to be a housewife. The tone they used ah… can be quite hurting u know. We really need more ppl like you.
crazymommy: My best friend is a SAHM by choice but cos she used to get condescending messages from relatives and even her husband about her status, she felt ashamed of herself for awhile. She even had a problem telling pple that she’s a SAHM until I told her that it’s something she shouldn’t be ashamed of but to be proud of.
Comment by crazymommy — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 @ 5:25 am
Well said!
SAHM shdnt be a sacrifice. It merely a choice.
But looking at it simply, many will say it’s a sacrifice. Esp in the entertainment industry, the tabloid will sieze any opportunity to cook out “ba gua” news.
We mother know best what we want, at least this lots of us
wtpg: Well, we know for sure it’s a blessing to be able to spend time with the family, especially our young kids.
Comment by wtpgrr — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 @ 1:23 pm
I think ppl say in terms of “sacrifice” meaning money involved. Even ordinary folks like me… everyone say the same.. that i’m not earning as much as i would have .. if i was still working in asia.. “what a sacrifice!” .. hahhaa!! i think they think only in terms of “money”.. no..??
MB: Yalor. We’re judged in terms of economic value. So it just implies that if we devote our time to the family, we have no value…
Comment by Mama Bok — Sat, 26 Aug 2006 @ 12:05 pm