Recently, a girl expressed surprised when I talked about my son. She thought I’m a blardy old spinster because I’m known to her as a Ms which she mistook for a Miss. Apparently, all the married women she came across used the saluation Mrs.
So I explained to her that Ms is a salutation for women that does not include a reference to marital status, as Miss and Mrs do. Just like Mr for men.
In fact, I’m so used to being a Miss or Ms S all my life, it takes me a while to realise when some people, like Gavin’s teachers for example, are addressing me when they call me Mrs T. Okay, I’m not trying to be secretive about my marital status. I just prefer to use my birth name. It’s so strange to adopt another name just because I got married. I don’t quite see the significance. Afterall, I’m still the same person, so why do I need to be called by another name after marriage? My ability at work won’t change just because I adopt another surname will it? And perhaps a part of me is being feminist as well. Why is it that women have to take their husband’s last name and not vice versa?
But I do respect that this is a matter of personal preference. It really depends on the woman in question. Some use their spouse’s name because they wish to honour their husband. Some use it for the simple reason that they like to be known as a Mrs because they associate that saluation with more respect. Of course, there are many women who want the best of both world and prepend their husband’s surname to their maiden surname, making it rather difficult to address them sometimes.
Anyway, it’s only during work that this issue crops up. Usually, I’m just Sesame so that’s neat. And please, never in any circumstances call me a Mdm. That’ll make me feel extremely old.
* Update: My butterfly fingers accidentally deleted the entire post and hence, the comments are all gone too. I only managed to retrieve this from Bloglines. My apologies to those who have commented.
I feel awfully bad about those who have taken time to leave their comments but had them deleted away. Anyway, I remember I can retrieve the comments from my email now. But cos I’ve deleted some comments, I’m just posting my original replies here.
Eileen: Haha. That’s funny. Did he try to call you again?
Ashes: Aiyah little boys call everyone auntie one. Don’t be angry. You definitely don’t look like auntie. If you do, then I’m an OBASAN!
MS: This shows that identity crisis can even occur with being a Mrs! Addressing by name is the easiest.
wtgr: My maid calls me M’am. I don’t mind that becos she does not use it with my surname.
mel: I think Loong answered the question. “mmhhuuzz”…
Evan: M’am is okay because it is not used with the surname. But if it is Mdm XXX then the picture is always someone old. Anyway, unlike you, me is old already.
fuzzoo: I think some women prefers to be addressed Mrs as they associate it with more respect.
ZM: Ah, you’re like Eileen, Earthember and myself.
DR: Yalor, sometimes no choice but to circle Mdm. Hiaz. The letters are cooked up lah. S for Sesame and T for Totoro.
Hsin: You mean the service staff used your surname to address Danny instead? I would have thought they should have been more discerning.
EE: I’m curious. Is it the case in some of the other countries. That married women are automatically a Mrs?
Comment by sesame — Sun, 30 Jul 2006 @ 12:36 pm
I also use Ms in all my interactions, unless they don’t give me a choice and I have to use Mdm. But using Ms, many people assume I’m not married.
Comment by ainsley — Sun, 30 Jul 2006 @ 10:57 pm