Have made plans to watch Da Vinci Code this afternoon but have to shelf the plans for now because Gavin isn’t particularly well.
He has just recovered last week from a ear infection but is showing signs of developing another bout of flu.
Anyway, I have been neglecting him quite a bit these days. Apart from the usual routines that we have been going through, I cannot find any energy to do new activities with him. That, plus the fact that I’ve been rather busy with my work. As a result, the maid has been keeping him company in the evenings until milk time when I take over. I have been feeling extremely guilty, but yet, I have not done much to move out of this rut.
It hit me finally last night that I’m too self-centred and it is impossible for me to have another child besides Gavin. Which was really something I have secretly wished for since Gavin was born.
While I am good with children, I am not crazy about them. Having another child would change all the dynamics and might mean a strain on our current situation. More importantly, I can never become a SAHM. And not that I didn’t try. I was a SAHM for a year after Gavin arrived and it was nothing pleasant. Gavin would have turned into an abused child had I not saw what I was capable of and put a stop to it.
Instead of having to battle with two young kids and resenting them for taking away my space, I think I can cope better with the status quo. It’s really better for everyone. Anyway, at my advanced age, another pregnancy would be too much of a challenge.
So that’s it. One kid for our family. I haven’t said anything to my husband but I think he’ll understand. Well, I hope so…
Errr..I think it soley depends on how you look at it, I doubt having another child will take away any extra time….take me for instance….apart from my working hours, I spend my reminding time with Rayner my first born, before RayAnne came along but now there’s 2 of them, I still spend the same amount of time with them, the time just has got to be shared among the 2 of them. So if you look at it at another angle, maybe if there’s 2 of them, you can get some free time when they are occupied with each other….kekeke….just another side of the coin!
Comment by Jan (My lovely Rays) — Mon, 5 Jun 2006 @ 4:35 pm
I feel very much like how you do, but I’m having the 2nd one because I would very much like Zara to have a siblings, some one she could play with, and could talk to if we’re no longer able to be with her.
Having another child really scares the wits out of me, I’m so worried I’ll neglect Zara and hence affect her development, not love the new one as much, etc etc.
Comment by zara's mama — Mon, 5 Jun 2006 @ 6:11 pm
If it’s going to be just one kid, then let it be. It doesn’t mean you will be less of a good mother if you stop at one.
Comment by domestic rat — Mon, 5 Jun 2006 @ 6:46 pm
Yes, i agreed with domestic rat. You have give yourself too much pressure… why strain yourself, where all dont benefit but keeping to your comfortable one and everybody get will the best out of it.
Hopfully your hubby will approve you but if he insist, definately you both hv to come to a mutual aggreedment.
Comment by wtpgrr — Mon, 5 Jun 2006 @ 8:01 pm
Agree with DR too..! one for me.. as well..! age factor for me.. and complications.. as well as the same reasons as yours..
so you are not quite alone in this matter.
Papa BoK doubt he can handle another one.
Comment by Mama Bok — Mon, 5 Jun 2006 @ 8:59 pm
I’m also a “self-centred” mother. I find myself always trying to hide from the kids and hoping they would leave me alone. Yet I’m a mother of 3 by choice. The real difference is having any kids at all. Having a 2nd one isn’t that great a change. In fact, I find that I have moments of peace when the kids play with one another. I even get the older ones to bath the younger one or feed her, etc. When you have only 1 child, you feel more obliged to spend time with your child since he doesn’t have a sibling to play with.
Comment by fuzzoo — Mon, 5 Jun 2006 @ 11:01 pm
my sentiments exactly…!
now my problem is how i should go abt convincing hubs and my in-laws. they’ve been hinting non-stop.
Comment by Angelia — Tue, 6 Jun 2006 @ 1:21 am
1 child it is..!
Btw, what’s SAHM?
Comment by Erika — Tue, 6 Jun 2006 @ 5:03 am
SAHM = Stay At Home Mom. =)
Comment by Loong — Tue, 6 Jun 2006 @ 8:29 am
Oops, i’m late here..
Well, follow your heart…if that’s what you want, then so be it. I think the most important thing is that you’re happy with your choice. When you’re happy, Gavin will grow up to be a happy boy!
Get well soon, Gavin!
Comment by Eileen — Tue, 6 Jun 2006 @ 11:55 am
Well, thanks for all your comments. Frankly I would like to give Gavin a sibling but there are just too many buts for now. I’m blogging it because I want to put this matter to rest for myself cos it has been hanging over my head for 3 years already.
Jan: You’re right that it’s a matter of perspective. I haven’t realised that they can spend time playing with each other. But still…
ZM: That was what I thought too, to give Gavin another sibling. But I’m not ready emotionally. H/w, if it happens accidentally, I won’t really mind.
DR: No, I don’t think myself less of a mother at all. But I do feel guilty about not giving enough to my only child now.
wtpgrr: I sometimes envy mummies like you when you have twins and that solves some of the problems of thinking about another pregnancy. But of course I know there are also other issues.
MB: Yeah, I think about my age and I shudder at the thought of being pregnant and going through all the tests and anxieties.
fuzzoo: You certainly don’t struck me as self-centred at all with your 3 kids. And yes, I think it’s nice to give them siblings although there’s definitely much to be done at the early stages.
Angelia: Well, I think the in-laws are not too difficult to fend off. It’s the hubby…
Erika & Loong: Haha…now Loong has taught this working lady something new.
Eileen: Thanks! And yes, happy mummy = happy child!
Comment by sesame — Tue, 6 Jun 2006 @ 1:40 pm