Part of my job involves conducting workshops for people of different age groups. Like this emotional intelligence workshop which I’m running for some children now. So far so good except for two perplexing observations.
One, that most of them would only describe themselves in negative terms like stupid, idiotic or hateful and one even said he wanted to kill someone. Those uttered tongue-in-cheek are not of concern, but some of them do appear seriously negative. Are kids these days just too cheeky or do they really have poor self-esteem?
Second, and a more serious problem for me, is the constant squabbling between the girls and the boys. Oh my, the extent of their bickering ranged from name calling, backbiting to threatening physical intimidation. I find it hilarious how they can loathe one another so much at this age, yet become all saccharine sugary sweet to each other when they’re older.
When I was a kid, I didn’t remember being like them at this age. I was a proud kid and I socialised well with both genders. So I cannot quite fathom their little minds. But back then, I never had to deal with so much of everything. School work, remedial lessons, extra curriculum activites, computer games, technology, sex and violence on mainstream media, choices…
Maybe the kids are feeling over saturated with no proper outlet to vent?
Oh my, it’s probably also cause by their parents calling them names or their chers making them feel inferiour..
This is not good huh?
Actually I find your work rather interesting.. being able to do things like that and then able to observe kids. This will enable you to forsee how Gavin is going to be and prepare yourself..
Comment by zara's mama — Thu, 16 Mar 2006 @ 4:57 pm
Hey, your job is really quite interesting. Where do you get your material from? It must be quite interesting when you conduct such workshops for different age groups - their responses must be so different.
Re children having poor self-images. I guess it’s not all that surprising, especially in an Asian context. We don’t praise our children enough, even though we are proud of them. The Westerners are generally very good at being encouraging, even if the comment made by the child isn’t particularly clever. I guess schools in Singapore are increasingly trying to promote self-confidence in children, but I think it starts at home - we parents have to be more encouraging too.
Comment by Hsin — Thu, 16 Mar 2006 @ 5:20 pm
Hey..SS,
during my days.. our self esteem has always been low.. because .. my mom was illiterate and my dad was never around.. the invisble man i call him.. !
But i never went around.. saying that i hate myself.. nor wanting to kill someone.
This is the reason why i cannot fathom these kids these days.
I think the new generation just demands so much more from the parents.. and if things doesn’t go their way.. they say things to get attention..?? no..?? i really am no expert in this.. but i sure hope.. chloe doesn’t behave this way in the near future… or she would be getting some good spanking.. heheh!!
Comment by Mama BoK — Thu, 16 Mar 2006 @ 10:36 pm
It just makes me wonder when did our society degenerate to that point and whether what have the parents done or have not done to cause this. Good parenting helps to instill self-esteem espy when kids are still young and needs guidance AND encouragement (I agree with Hsin on this). We are all humans and we err time to time. It’s good that these kids have someone like you to help them sort out their mangled thoughts.
Comment by Domestic Rat — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 @ 9:08 am
errr…how old is the kid who said he wanted to kill someone??? kinda of scary to hear these sort of remarks from kids….I have to agree with zara’s mum that the adults are at fault for calling them such names in the first place……monkey see monkey do……
Comment by Jan (My lovely Rays) — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 @ 12:27 pm
I am still puzzled. These are kids of higher income group and I assume their parents are educated enough to care more about their kids’ self-confidence especially since they can send them to such workshops. I also find it strange that the parents would call them names. My guess is that the parents could be too busy, leaving the kids very much on their own. The name calling could be a result of taunting from fellow classmates or friends.
I had one 7 year old who told me that nobody ever said anything nice about him, not even his parents. Maybe they said, but he couldn’t get it registered because there are just so many distractions. I’m not sure.
It’s hard for me to teach them too much over a 6 hour workshop. This is just to create awareness and some basic skills, but it takes a daily type of interaction to help build better EQ. Like Hsin said, it has to start from home.
The guy who said he wanted to kill someone is 12 and he was going around intimidating the younger ones and the girls. I think he’s a bully but today he was good when I got him to do some activities.
Comment by sesame — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 @ 1:57 pm
There was a study that showed that the IQ of people in the world as a whole is increasing - and the researchers attributed it to exposure to strong stimuli, mainly TV, movies, music, etc etc mass media. I stopped letting Ophelia watch Cartoon Network because alot of the cartoons shown there are very negative, violence and even bitchness of cheerleaders! OMG! It’s playhouse disney for us from now on.
Comment by the diva — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 @ 10:41 pm