Almost two months ago, I experienced one of those nasty mom vs dad moments.
What began harmlessly as a pleasant cycling trip escalated into an unexpected fiery row between the parents. It was literally “YOU’RE TOO PROTECTIVE!” vs “YOU’RE OVERLY HARSH!”
You see, Gavin was having some difficulty paddling the bike even after much coaching from his dad. I felt that he was just not used to a bigger bike and merely helped him moved along by pushing from behind. His dad, on the other hand, got angry and was rather harsh on the boy, reprimanding him for being lazy and demanded that I should let him try on his own. We started hurling accusations at one another and the air was hot with conflict, if you can imagine.
Although it wasn’t the first time we had experienced different parenting styles, it was probably the worst. I felt that DV was too hard on a toddler while he felt I was shielding the boy too much. It all came down to the fact that we had differing perspectives about our child. To DV, Gavin should be manhandled just because he is a boy. While to me, Gavin is just a child, despite his gender.
The cycling trip was cut short and nothing was raised again about this matter. But I was left wondering how I should deal with such differences, as it will inevitably crop up again as the boy grows up. The fortunate thing is that DV and I are not that vastly different in thinking. These things do happen, typically in the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus situations. While it is not something I’m unduly worried about now, we do need to find a middle ground so that Gavin’s well-being would not be compromised. Both of us MUST make an effort to understand each other’s concerns and try not to be too pig-headed at the expense of our child.
Something which I am confident we can achieve. It all boils down to being more patient. With our ourselves, as well as with our child.
Like last weekend, we actually brought the boy cycling again. The same thing happened. He wasn’t quite able to cycle well. But this time, both the parents just helped him along without arguing. The boy enjoyed himself so much that it took some coaxing to get him out of the bike and back home eventually.
For me, every thing related to Zara, I’ll have full say. Because i read more child care books, I have handled more children (in my previous working experiance as well as baby sitting my nieces)..
Hubby will have full say on the house, the cars as he knows more about them..
So when it’s my territory it’ll be mind way.. it works for us, although, some occasional rows about our differences are still inevitable.
Comment by zara's mama — Wed, 1 Mar 2006 @ 3:34 pm
I agree that men tend to be rougher with their sons. How your hubby behaved last weekend perhaps shows that he realises he was too harsh the previous time (men don’t like to admit they are wrong!). I think it’s great that he’s an “active” parent.
Comment by fuzzoo — Wed, 1 Mar 2006 @ 9:08 pm
We somehow divided up the “job scope” between us, so there’s very little chance of us arguing like that. Things like cycling and swimming - are daddy’s jobs. I teach Ophelia music lessons, writing, reading etc…
Comment by the diva — Wed, 1 Mar 2006 @ 10:31 pm
Papa BoK usually do not argue about things like that with Chloe.. and he knows better than to manhandle chloe.
He usually not argue about things.. when i say something with regards to chloe..
He would say… “yes, dear”..!
Comment by Mama BoK — Thu, 2 Mar 2006 @ 12:26 am
My hubby is very actively involved in his son’s upbringing. I usually like to get his opinions and I’m quite happy with. Especially because I feel that he may have a better understanding of boys than me. But he was definitely too harsh that time. Well, he reads my blog so I suppose he knows what I’m trying to drive at too.
Comment by sesame — Thu, 2 Mar 2006 @ 1:26 pm
We get into those types of quarrels too, but they rarely flare up to such a big scale. Thus far, we’ve been able to back down from such arguments to let either me or him have our way, but maybe it’s because we have a girl and Danny doesn’t want to be too harsh on her. If we had a boy, perhaps there could be bigger flare-ups.
Comment by Hsin — Sat, 4 Mar 2006 @ 11:45 am
I can fully understand what you are going through, we have plenty of these fighs when it comes to bringing up kids…..different mindsets…..haiz….welcome to the club!!!
Comment by Jan (My lovely Rays) — Tue, 7 Mar 2006 @ 11:29 am