Two days ago I had a conversation with a couple of colleagues regarding the recent teen scandal that hit prime news. In our exchanges, it came out that two of the teens that two of my colleagues are coaching are pregnant.
Well, nothing astounding really considering the mentality of today’s Gen-Y. But what was alarming was the flippant way these teens dealt with pregnancy.
My colleague Emily who is more of a moralist and disciplinarian asked the girl she’s teaching about her pregnancy. The girl casually mentioned that she has gotten married two months ago to the guy who is also in the same class. She assured Emily that life still continues normally for her, nothing to worry about. She’ll continue with her studies and deliver the baby when it’s time. After which, she’ll throw the baby to a nanny. Easy peasy.
Wow, she made it sound almost like child’s play. Not even a tinge of doubt or anxiety. Maybe we the adults are over reacting? But when probed further about her prenatal plans, the girl is clueless and just dismissed it as unnecessary. Geez, she really need more lessons on that front.
Yes, today’s teens are nonchalent at best and brazen at the worst. They lose their innocence too early and that’s really worrying. I am looking at my son and wondering how he will turn out in future. How should I, as a parent, help him myself deal with this bizarre generation?
In my time, my parents never spoke to me about sex. I certainly don’t think its wise to avoid that subject with today’s kids. Avoiding will just pigue their interest and get them more curious. Remember that phrase forbidden fruits taste sweeter?
While we have sex education in school these days, I believe we as parents have the responsibility to tackle the issue head on instead of just leaving the matter entirely to the educators. So how should I, as a mother, broach the subject with my son in future?
At this stage, I really don’t know. Perhaps I should leave it to the daddy who has a better understanding of the male biology than me. But then again, perhaps I can become friends with my son and he wouldn’t mind sharing his thoughts with me on the subject. Whatever it is, I believe I should take on the subject as a matter-of-factly and not be squeamish about it in any sense. It’s weird of course to talk about sex with my kid, but ignoring it totally or even partially could leave me with weirder consequences to bear.
Am I thinking way too far ahead of my time? Perhaps I should just cross the bridge when I come to it huh? But if I want to be friends with my son, I better start early. I need to have a strategy to deal with these things because it won’t be too long before he lose his innocence and become a youth.
And you know what? My husband and I actually applaud the police’s move to detain youths below 17 years old loitering in public places after 11pm. At least when I tell him then that the police will catch you, he’ll know it’s no longer just a hoax.
This may sound awkwardly candid but try to see this from a different perspective. The fact is most youngsters will try ‘it’ out, for sure. As a Mommy, what u can do is not to deter them from doing it for it will only encourage the reverse (I think), but rather advocate safe sex and drill into their brains the undesirable consequences of premature pregnancy and worse, venereal diseases. At the end of the day, being friends with your kids will help more than outright chiding them for engaging in sexual acts. I’m certain you would want them to go to Mommy should anything, anything happens and they would not turn to you if they know already that Mommy would only nag and scold them or worse, despise them.
Comment by Domestic Rat — Wed, 22 Feb 2006 @ 2:41 pm
Hee… I was afraid to post the comment for fear of what you might think. Phew. At least Gavin has an understanding Mommy. And you are one cool Mommy! Dun think otherwise of yourself.
I certainly did not have the benefit of Mommy educating me on the birds and bees. I did however, sat down to talk to my sister about it. It’s necessary cos my sister is the type who lacks a bit of sense in her head, the type who wants to throw away her education to lead a wanderer’s life.
Comment by Domestic Rat — Wed, 22 Feb 2006 @ 5:22 pm
Gee, like mamabok, I’m also very worried for Zara, since she’s a girl..
If all the boys Gavin’s and Zara’s generation have parents like you, then I guess Zara will be in better hands.
I want me to be her friend too, where she can share with me about the boys she meets later on.. and will listen to my advice.
But for now, I’ll just enjoy her innocence now, and worry later..
Comment by zara's mama — Wed, 22 Feb 2006 @ 5:30 pm
I have 3 girls so triple the worry. I’d like to think that if I maintain a close relationship with my girls, I would be better able to pass my values (I am against pre marital sex - too risky) to them. My parents were very liberal and could talk to me about anything including sex; maybe that’s why I wasn’t so curious about those things. When I was 7, my mum gave me this children’s book “Where Did I Come From?” which does a great job explaining the birds & bees to kids; it won’t rob children of their innocence to read this book. I intend to get a copy of the book for my girls too.
Comment by fuzzoo — Wed, 22 Feb 2006 @ 8:15 pm
Woah, haven’t thought this far ahead yet, but yeah, I think perhaps it’s better to have a plan in mind rather than ignoring it. Frankly, I think you may need to broach the topic with Gavin earlier than I would have to with Sara - boys do get more curious at an earlier age.
Comment by Hsin — Wed, 22 Feb 2006 @ 8:30 pm
Wow… these kids are really clueless. Give birth and throw the kid to a nanny? By the time they learn how to regret, they would have grown into the next “jiak lat” group of people in our society.
Comment by the diva — Wed, 22 Feb 2006 @ 10:14 pm
I’ve reached the point
where I have to explain about birds and bees, not only once but twice, and many times to both of my daughters. To my surprise, it came about easier than expected, and if you already have a close relationship with your kids.
The first time I poached the subject was when eldest daughter was 8-9. She didn’t ask more, simply because she wasn’t very keen to know. But I would casually talk about it every now and then, and I explained in great detail too, how she came about, using the term “vagina” “penis” like it was a biology class, and keeping a straight face. As a result, the girls are not shy with these terms.
Thus, by the time she was 11, and approaching puberty, as well as being more aware of her own sexuality, she was totally at ease with the subject. Yes, she would come to me whenver she has any queries wrt that topic.
Comment by Ange — Thu, 23 Feb 2006 @ 4:04 am
Domestic Rat: Cool, I don’t know for sure but I would definitely like to stay relevant. Fortunately, it helps that I enjoy interacting with young pple.
Zara’s Mama: I worry no less for my boy. Boys are prone to mischief too. Well, I suppose this is just part of being parents and we just need to live with open eyes, ears and hearts.
Fuzzoo: I also feel that being more open may help. That book you mentioned sounds interesting. Probably come in handy for me later too!
Hsin: You’re right! Boys start as early as 13 or 14 so it can be dangerous for me to leave it too late. As it is, they can masterbate at 5 or 6 years old for comfort but not knowing what it means!
Diva: Atrocious isn’t it? We all know that motherhood can throw you into a state of choas especially if you don’t have good support around and are not well prepared. They really don’t know what they’re in for. This girl I heard has sickly parents who have no abillity to discipline her so she’s “free” to do what she wants.
Ange: It’s really good that you are comfortable talking about these to your girls and they go to you for more info. Frankly, I would be more comfortable explaining such stuff to a girl than a boy.
Comment by sesame — Thu, 23 Feb 2006 @ 1:23 pm