Boy am I glad that Gavin is going to school on a daily basis! WHEW! After pulling him out of the tots school since the middle of last year, I have been troubled because I felt I was not doing enough for him. So imagine my dismal when San, my best friend, recently accused me of being too kiasu when I lamented to her about Gavin’s school woes.
Why you send your son to school so early? How old is he? Why are you like the rest, so kiasu? I just can’t understand you people. Just relax lah, let the kids enjoy their childhood. I didn’t even send my children to school until they were ready for nursery.
I was really afflicted by her remarks. In the first place, I have never criticised her lack of parenting skills. Well, I am not about to bitch about it here either, even though she doesn’t read my blog.
Me kiasu??? Hello, I am just talking about pre-school here and it’s not like I’m about to sign him up for additional enrichment courses. 
Yes, I started Gavin on a tots school since he turned two. Which I thought is something pretty normal for kids that age. My objective then was to get him to learn social skills, to interact with others, and to become more independent. It wasn’t so much about academic learnings. If he learns something new, that’s great. If he doesn’t, it’s okay. There’s no hurry. He can always learn his ABCs, 123s, nursery rhythms and so forth at home. But by keeping him at home, with no siblings or cousins to interact with, he won’t have the opportunity to learn how to share, and ever be independent.
Sure, I can well let nature takes it own course. Isn’t that just so easy? But is leaving to nature always the best course of action? Especially if these are the critical years where his character and personality are shaped by what he learns?
My colleague Emily told me she regretted not giving her only daughter a chance to socialise when she was younger. Her only interactions were with the adults. So now, her daughter, who is in her teens, tends to be anti-social and shy away from groups. Even though she might have been naturally shy, Emily believes that her confidence could be better if she was given an opportunity to mingle with children her age when younger. So even though her daughter has excellent academic results, Emily fears her daughter will always remain a follower, and can never be a leader.
So am I kiasu? I think not. I believe I am just being a wee bit more proactive by trying to give him a headstart. I believe learning is an integral part of our lives, no matter the age. So even if he is just three, he should have the opportunity to learn as much as he can, at his pace.
Colin Rose, author of the book ”Learning Fundamentals” which I have been reading, stated that:
All parents have a major influence on whether their child’s potential is fulfilled or not. The secret is to provide an environment that is stimulating, thought-provoking, yet fun – because some 50% of a child’s physical brain capacity is developed by age five.
So as his parent, it is up to me to set the learning scene for him. I can do more, or I can do less, or I can do nothing. Heck! At this rate, I may not even be doing enough. But at the least, I know I am trying.
Kiasu (adj)
Pronounced ‘kee-a-soo’.
Derived from the Hokkien dialect meaning afraid to lose out to others or not to lose face.
How old are the children of this friend of yours? Most probably different era or has not been reading enough these days! I do have the same feeling that I’m not doing enough for Eu, to get him ready or have a head start. I have been told by mothers of the basic standard required when they entered primary 1, and honestly, I’m not too optimistic of him setting there by then. Some more Gavin is only attending preschool, no other extra lessons, what’s so kiasu about that?
Comment by kwai yoke — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 @ 6:54 pm
Academics is only one aspect of learning. In school, a child can develop interpersonal skills and the exposure to various stimulus is important for stimulating their minds even if they do not remember much of what they are taught. My oldest daughter got zero every week for Spelling when she was in K2 but important thing is that she had good social skills and a love for learning as she entered Primary 1.
Comment by fuzzoo — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 @ 9:20 pm
You are definitely NOT kiasu. Kiasu would be – sending your kid to cram-school after nursery class ends. I have neighbours doing that. After the school bus brings the tots home, the maids would give the kids lunch and then bring them to town for English and arts lessons. EVERYDAY! OMG!
Comment by the diva — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 @ 10:52 pm
Given that Gavin is the only child, nursery class would be a fun play place for him. Besides, it’s not like there are many parks in Singapore (too hot most of the time) where mothers bring their children to play and interact.
Comment by Ange — Thu, 12 Jan 2006 @ 7:46 am
My friend has 2 kids. One about 7 years and the other 14 years old. She has been very laxed about her kids work so that’s probably why she doesn’t see my anxieties.
I’m worried that he doesn’t have sufficient social interactions and I think I’m just doing the bare minimum. So that wouldn’t make me kiasu for sure. Surely I can’t be too relax until I just leave him at home to enjoy his childhood right? In any case, pre-school is also fun for him.
Comment by sesame — Thu, 12 Jan 2006 @ 9:03 am
i don’t think you’re kiasu at all, it’s better for Gavin to mix around in school than spending his time cooping up at home! If you’re kiasu, then what about the other parents who jam-packed their kids curriculum?
I hope i’m not delaying Damien’s development by sending him directly to Nursery and not any playschool..hopefully he’ll be able to settle in as well as the rest:))
Comment by Eileen — Thu, 12 Jan 2006 @ 10:20 am
I think every parent feels they’re not doing enough. I certainly think I could be doing a better job too. School, I think, is a good way for the child to gain independence and learn social skills. You’re right – it’s not all about academics. Besides, as you say, there isn’t a whole lot to do at home, and I think in Singapore, playgroups/playdates aren’t something easy to organize because many mothers work.
Comment by Hsin — Thu, 12 Jan 2006 @ 10:27 am
I donch think this is call “kiasu” .. this is just being a mummy..! and there is nothing wrong .. with trying to give your child the best you know how.. and when.
Comment by Mama BoK — Thu, 12 Jan 2006 @ 12:29 pm
I’d gotten the kiasu remark from people who knew I’d placed Aidan in a half day play school when he was abt 18 mths old…Oh well, it’s my life & my kid. Wasnt affected by it and my son had benefited from the school tremendously (he’s too sociable tho
).
heck care lah. u know what suits ur kid best~!
Comment by Angelia — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 @ 11:00 pm