I really missed Malay home-cooked food. I used to have a Malay friend who would invite me to his place every year during Hari Raya Puasa. He’s a good cook and can whip up very tasty dishes. His chilli crab was just so sedab! But ever since he broke up with his girlfriend three years ago, I never got invited back again.

No, I didn’t have a hand in their breakup and they had parted amicably. I actually knew both of them together and was close to both. But I suppose he was aware that my allegiance is with the girl, and so he has not kept in touch with me. As for me, I just don’t feel right to keep in touch with him, at the same time still be close to my girlfriend.

I don’t think I will ever have another Malay friend like him. We had a lot of fun time together and he was even comfortable to share his secrets with me. Secrets which he didn’t even tell his girlfriend. In retrospect, I sometimes wonder why he told me those stuff. Perhaps he really treated me like his buddy. Or perhaps he just wanted to test my loyalty.

Anyway, his relationship with my girlfriend has always been iffy because of their ethnic differences. Although there was a time she really wanted to marry him and be converted to a Muslim, she eventually held back after considering the consequences and what she truly wanted in her life. I felt rather sad for them at that point because it would have been wonderful if their relationship had worked out. On the other hand, I was also glad that my girlfriend finally made up her mind on what to do. She’s single now and it’s unlikely she’ll meet someone else because of her social circle. She tells me she feels lonely occasionally but is really quite happy on her own because she’s financially independent and has a pad to call her own.

Some things in life are really about guts. Having the guts to go ahead. Or having the guts to back out. Either way, it’s never easy.

* sedab is a Malay word to mean delicious.