I was rocked by this piece of news I came across.

China’s godfather of electric rock Cui Jian assaulted Beijing with his loud and angry wall of sound in his first officially sanctioned concert in the Chinese capital in 12 years.

Some 10,000 fans gathered in the Capital Gymnasium to hear the 44-year-old perform the latest versions of his songs, many of which have been banned by a government wary of Cui’s social and political criticisms.

“It was 12 years ago that I last performed here just after the release of the ‘Balls Under the Red Flag’ album,” the Beijing-born classically trained musician told the crowd.

“If we have to keep on waiting then maybe they will let us come back and play here again in another 12 years.”

Cui has enjoyed a rebirth this year with the release of his fifth studio album “Show Your Colours”, dedicated to the pitfalls of China’s unprecedented urbanization, and a videotaped concert performance that was aired on state-controlled television in February.

The easing of restrictions against Cui’s angry rap-inflected rock has come as the government shows an increased awareness of the commercial value of modern music.

My first encounter with Chinese rock music was actually 20 years ago with Cui Jian’s “I Have Nothing”. This is the song that became the anthem of the Tianemen Square protests in 1989. I remember I loved to play this song over and over again although I have no recollection of how I got acquainted with his music at all. It couldn’t be my friends because none of them listened to such music and it couldn’t be my family too. My mum was in fact very amused at my choice of music then, saying that Cui Jian sounded like a chanting monk.

Whatever it was, his songs appealed to me intensely back then, and I particularly found his lyrics very inspiring even though I was totally ignorant about the political connotations. I have since learnt that the song articulated the general sense of betrayal protestors felt, as reflected in these lyrics:

I am giving you my aspirations
And my freedom too.
But you always laugh at me
Because I have nothing

I also learnt that Cui Jian would often perform the song at concerts with a red cloth wrapped around his eyes. This supposedly symbolizes the majority of people in his generation having been raised with a socialist idealism that merely masks the widespread government corruption and favoritism that really dominates daily life.

So it was after all, a blessing that I couldn’t relate to the real meaning behind the lyrics.